Vacilate

 

I’m enjoying writing more. I’ve not had to make myself either. It’s like just making the conscious decision to do it was enough this time.

I’m very preoccupied with what to do about Utah – about whether or not to stay here that is. I don’t know why it feels urgent all of a sudden to start making a decision. I think we still have a year. I think it’s because I know this isn’t going to be easy and that I will inevitably change my mind a dozen times. There’s just so much to consider. I’m seriously thinking of doing a good ol’ fashioned pro and con list.

This really is a great place to live. I’m not sure the locals really appreciate that. The infrastructure here is remarkable. Public transportation, good schools, lots of extracurricular classes, beautiful surroundings, a nearly limitless number of outdoor activities. The roads are designed with cycling in mind, lots of parks and trails. It’s a competitive atmosphere which encourages people to strive just a touch higher.

I think, honestly, that it’s an amazing place to raise kids. The problem the comes in is that a lot of the reason for this being a remarkable place is the church and it becomes a bigger CON for me all the time. I’m so tired of feeling like an outsider. I think I would feel that way anyway since that’s just how I am but there’s so much less of a chance to change that here. And I could see it being a problem long term if we did have kids here and stayed.

More Pros – Work. I love where I work. I know that finding another place like this will be next to impossible. The benefits are amazing, the atmosphere is relaxed and encouraging. I feel like I’m allowed to more or less do my own thing as long as the work gets done and no laws are broken. It’s exactly the kind of atmosphere I thrive in.

Zac’s work is better here and there’s a lot of opportunity for him. It is opportunity that could exist elsewhere but it would take time and more relationship cultivating. He is good at that but it would still mean starting over.

—

The only reason I want to move is family and I wonder if that’s enough to make it worth leaving. It’s a huge reason and carries a tremendous amount of weight but I don’t know. It sucks. This isn’t like when we decided to move out here, you know? Deciding to move out here we knew we would be here 1-3 years. Deciding to stay means….well, deciding to STAY. No chance of moving home for a minimum of 5-10 years. So much has happened and changed in just 3. 

I’m ready to start really settling down. Buying a house, committing to a career instead of just a job. Those are things that hang in the balance of this decision.

A side note: I really how crazy it is to decide to try for kids right now without working things things out but we’re not getting any younger and I know how long this road could possibly be. The added difficulty is totally worth it if by some happy chance we get lucky early. If not, we have a lot of ground getting covered while we’re figuring all this out.

I need to head back into work and get serious about accomplishing some things today. I’ve been lazy this morning. 

Speaking of morning, I had a great one.

I woke up feeling Zac tucking the covers around me. He said I was clinging to him and my skin felt cold. That was a sweet way to be roused. Then I went running. I didn’t go as far or as long as I should have (just twenty minutes) but it was still great. I took the dogs. Brucie learned that you don’t stay in front of me while we’re running. haha. I stepped on him. He checked before wandering over into my path after that.

After that I had a cool shower and spent 10 minutes meditating before I tackled the day. I ate a tasty breakfast and have had a lazy, laid back morning at work. Can’t ask for better than that.

 

Anyway, back to work.