Holler.

Hey kids,

I’m sitting in my new apartment in Halifax, and am filled with an immense feeling of…well, newness.  Thus begins an entirely new chapter in my life.  One not tainted by the negative portions of my past, one filled with possibilities.  It is because of this state that I feel I’m able to write in here.  Much like everything else in my life, this diary became tainted for me.  When Erica and I broke up, I couldn’t log in without seeing titles of previous entries, browsing past notes, without being reminded of her.  So much of our relationship was chronicled in this diary, and indeed she was my life for a little over a year.  It’s been a year and almost a month since we broke up, and I finally feel 100% like myself again.  It’s been a slow process, hampered by the fact that we continued speaking to each other for around 6 months afterward.  I had become her emotional crutch, and while she didn’t want a physical relationship with me, she was still relying on me to get her through whatever trials and tribulations her life was throwing her.  Including being kicked out of her house on December 23, 2010.  She went to live with her best friend Raven’s family, and a little over a month ago, moved in with her grandmother.  Raven’s gone off to Ontario for school, and Erica is slowly mending fences with her mother, so I believe those two things brought this change about.  She’s been in a relationship with a guy from her school since March.  That was around when we broke off contact for good.  She texted me on my birthday, and a few intermittent times, one of which was simply to say "I can’t believe we actually don’t talk anymore.  Just sayin’"  

I realize I’m jumping around a bit here, but there’s a lot of ground to cover, and a lot of pain to dredge up.  That was another reason I shied away from OD for so long…there was simply too much happening, and a lot of it was bad, and I just couldn’t bring myself to keep a record of it.  I wanted it all to go away, and somehow, not being able to see it in my writing, on some level, made me think I could achieve that.  In retrospect, it probably would’ve helped me to heal and sort through it all a lot faster.  To give you an idea of how last fall was, it was like a domino effect of painful events: Tyler moved out and our friendship was terminated (on my part, because I couldn’t deal with his douchebaggery and lack of concern for anyone but himself any longer), I was accepted into school – which meant working, volunteering, and attending classes and existing on very little sleep, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and began treatment a few weeks later, my best friend Kevin moved to the opposite end of the country, and on top of all that…I was still reeling from the break-up.  So life was basically hell, and I didn’t know how to escape or who to reach out to.  I was an emotional wreck a lot of the time, but somehow managed to get through the semester.  I decided at Christmastime not to go back, however, because I’d found the program was just not what I thought it would be, it was far too stressful with no real solid gain at the end of it.  I was taking Music Business, which would’ve granted me a measly certificate that no other institution or respectable company would even look twice at.  It wasn’t a complete loss, however, I did enjoy a lot of the volunteering, getting to see the behind-the-scenes goings on at music festivals and the Atlantic Film Festival.  I also met a band through chatting with the lead female vocalist outside a show in Yarmouth, during Music Week.  I was later asked by a woman named Tanya (who was running the merch tables during Halifax Pop Explosion) if I’d like to do merch for a band called Three Sheet, and practically shit my pants, because that was the band I’d seen and met the vocalist of in Yarmouth.  I loved their live show to bits, they really know how to get a crowd moving.  Their genre is hip-hop, but their music appeals to just about anyone.  And one thing that makes them unique is that rather than a synthesizer or drum machine, they have one guy who provides all percussion with his mouth, he’s a phenomenal beat boxer.  So that first show was in November of last year, and I’ve been working for them on the side ever since.  I met their manager, Ian, that night, and made a good impression, and have now met and hung out with the whole band.  Ryan, the guitarist, in particular has a soft spot for me haha, he’s a bloody sweetheart.  They are all genuinely good, hardworking people, and so talented, and deserve any and all success that comes their way.  They’re slowly making a name for themselves in Nova Scotia, and have done a few small tours, but not entirely nationwide yet.

Wow…I really rambled on for a bit there.  If any of this piques your interest, check out Three Sheet on youtube, it’s totally worth it, although no recording does their live show justice.  They released their second album in June, and I was fortunate enough to be asked to work the door at the album release show.  I also got my name in the Thank Yous, which made me feel so good.  One thing I’ve learned about the Nova Scotia music scene, is that while it may be small, that also provides a sense of community, and every little bit counts.

Hmm….clearly I can’t settle on a topic for this entry, so I think I’ll leave it for tonight.  I’ll be picking away at this slowly though, as promised.  Also, I start my new job tomorrow, and am doing merch for a Three Sheet show afterwards, I’mma be bagged!

~SS