N.22 god i’m dumb… *EDIT2*

i hurt my lady’s feelings very badly this evening.  i know she says everything is alright, but i’m worried.  i’m worried i screwed things up again.

– noah

*EDIT* seriously, my anonymous noter(s) are getting ridiculous.

that being said, i’m going to finish this entry and shed some light on the situation.

last night a friend of mine confessed to me that she cares very deeply about me and always have.  she was unaware i was dating someone (which i made sure to point out during the conversation).  i feel horrible about it because i don’t see there ever being a relationship between us.  i love her as a friend, but nothing more.

well, this made me very weirded out, so on the phone last night, i wanted to tell my lady about it because i wanted my best friend’s opinion on the matter.  i was afraid of losing this person as a friend and was wondering if she had any insights on the situation.  in doing so though, i’m positive that it came out in the wrong way, probably sounding like i would want to try a relationship with her, and my lady got very quiet.  after about an hour of silence on the phone, she said she wanted to go and that we’d talk tomorrow (today).

we texted for awhile back and forth and i realized how i told her about it was very poorly planned.  i wanted her input, not to make her jealous, and i didn’t particularly feel i needed to keep it secret from her.  however, the reason i didn’t want to chase after her was because i wasn’t sure what she needed from me to help this situation.

i’m sorry my anonymous noter had a horrible boyfriend, and maybe next time they will be able to discern the good from the bad.

– noah

*EDIT2*

as much as i hate to do this, i’ve taken unsigned notes off my diary.  i always left it there in case i talked about a loaded topic and people didn’t want retrobution for their notes (but still wanted them to be public).  i see now that whoever the anonymous noter is, is only out to hurt me or my favorites.  if they can’t sign their name, they can’t leave a note.

i’m sorry.

p.s. my lady and i talked about things this afternoon, and things are great between us.  i have a tendency to worry more than i should.  she wasn’t mad or upset, she just wanted to process it on her own, which apparently i let her do.  granted, i do feel that relationships should be about honesty and if one party is afraid to ask the other party a question because they are afraid of the answer, something is wrong.