here goes…
so, i’ve been tagged. thanks hopeful… 😛
1. List ten things you want to say to 10 people but know you never will.
2. Don’t say who the people are.
3. Feel free to comment, but I’m not confirming or answering anything.
4. Never discuss it again. (never say never– but for the sake of the game we’ll pretend)
5. Tag 5 people to do the same…
1) please don’t worry so much. whenever something gets bad again, just sit back and close your eyes, take a deep breath then decide what needs to get done first. i know i could take a page from my own book here, but at the same time, its not helping you to stress yourself out. the last person we all need to go to the hospital again is you.
2) i’ve never hated someone before… and oddly enough i don’t hate you. but realise, for once, the power you hold over me and others, and the disregard and contempt you seem to have for me and others like me. we are not toys, we are not play things. we are not here on this earth to take care of you and let you do as you please. its hard enough to get ahead in life without women like you barging into our lives and then leaving us shattered on the pavement. which is all the worse for me as i seem to give my soul a little bit everytime someone comes along. and i think you have the biggest portion. you were everything to me, and you threw it away because… to be honest, i have no idea. not that i was what was best for you. i might not have been… but it would have been nice to be let down a little gentler than that.
3) one day, you and i will have words… which may end up with my foot up your ass. until that time i hope you were not hurt as much as i…
4) love ya, but you need to get your priorities straight. you need to dump him and realise that he is not the last person that will ever love you. be the person you were set out to be, not the person he sees/wants by his side. he may be letting you off to do all that you like scholastically, but that doesn’t mean he’s not controling you. it pains me to see how flaky you are with him and how blatantly you throw your friends away because he doesn’t want to hang out with anyone. i love you dearly and will always do so, but please, do whats best for you… not whats best for him. he can figure that out on his own.
5) please, please, please, please lose weight. it pains me to see how sick you are and how much sicker you could get if this doesn’t change. i love you with all my heart and you are truly one of my best friends. we all want to see you get well and return to the triumphant career you have set aside for youself in the singing world.
6) i want to help you, but i think you don’t understand yourself. take a good long look and then step out into the light. whatever become, we are all here to support you and gladly do so!
7) i’m sorry…
8) i wish i knew what to say to you, but i have no idea. nothing will ever fix the past, but please let me find a way to make it up to you.
9) i love you and i always will. i’m sorry you’ll never hear this, as i know how badly you’d like to… unfortunately its me saying it.
10) you have hurt me more than all of my friends combined. the only reason i have ever been self-conscious is because of you. i can only hope one day you’ll understand the pain, however inadvertant, you caused me.
i’m not going to "tag" 5 people. this actually was very hard for me. i’ll leave it up for a bit, but i’m gonna delete it very soon most likely. too many bad memories i don’t ever want to think about. come to think of it, this whole diary is full of them. i am very tempted to delete it and start anew… what do you all think?
– noah