panic struck

aiiieeee…
as my chinese boss would say.

last night all the girls from china garden and i went out to the bar. it was not very much fun. we went to the bird, and only shannon and i had been there before. she spent the whole time flitting from friend to friend and i was avoiding eye contact with townies. mixed with the fact that kyoko and fernando don’t speak english…sigh.
after driving drunk ass kristy home, she was ridiculous! i visited fabs, maness, pung and a bunch of other people i know. alexia came over, and then annalissa, this huge slut that i pretty much hate, came over. and i know hate is a strong word, but she seriously gets under everyones skin. i know for a fact that alexia cant stand her, yet she still pretended to be nice and socialize with her. im not really the jealous type, but when my best friend and fabs spend the whole night talking to a slut that they both talk trash about, i get a little pissy. plus i am moving on tuesday, i have the right to be attention craving.
so fabs ended up leaving with the slut, and i promptly called him and said some nasty words. why would he invite me over? and then leave with a girl he trash talks? i’m sure it’s because she’ll sleep with anyone. but you think the fact that she has slept with all his other friends would gross him out a little bit? and probably because he knows i won’t. the ship sailed almost 6 years ago.
so i was just pissy.
i got home, and then rory called me. i don’t know what i was thinking. i was bored, and upset so i went over there. we had sex, and it was just terrible. i’m so not into him. plus like 45 minutes into it he asked me if i was in a hurry becayse he wanted to go for ‘hours’ this was at 4:30am, i was like Jesus! I have to sleep sometime!
I knew as soon as I got there that I didn’t want to sleep with him. but we aren’t friends, we are fuckers. and i didn’t want to upset him. i know i could have left, and i should have left.
i thought about sean the whole time. i guess this made me realise that i really do like sean. not the sex, the beer or the late ngihts. i just like him.
i was feeling really bad about it all day. i didn’t even spend the ngiht at rorys because i couldn’t bear to wake up next to him. i’m so stupid sometimes.
i went to la senioritas and sat in seans section. it was sort of my way of redeeming myself. fixing the guilt. i know that i am moving, and having a relationship was never an option with him…
but i like him madly.
i think he feels the same was as i do, and i imagine he would be upset if he found out about my misdeed. sigh.
if i ever live in mount pleasant again, which is most likely not happening…i would ask him out.
so i left him a 95% tip for my soup and enchilada. gave him a lingering hug….and left. almost crying.
it was really nice hugging him in the restaurant. because i made our whole thing so taboo and forbidden when i worked there.
alexia ditched me today for tyler. mallory left for texas with out saying goodbye.
i couldn’t have gotten the message any clearer, good bye sarah!

ps. sean is work boy…i never used his name before.