complicated pauses

i find that short cd’s are really annoying. for the first time since the creation of cd players…i own one that doesn’t have a remote nor can it hold more than one cd. so, if i put in a stupid 30 min cd i have to get up as soon as i was comfortable to change it. big pet peeve, along with channel surfing…but we’ll save that for later.
i am desperate for some string cheese, ooh la la!
i finished my book, diary of an american au pair. it had a very abrupt ending…i was sort of amazed at the characters ability to pick up her old life, but also wished for more follow up on the outcomes.
not really sure what i’m going to read tonight…hopefully something romantic and trashy. that will réveillez mes cuisses. i learned that phrase in my book. it’s hott.
so basically it has been about a month since everything. over a month since i had sex…that was at some point right before i left. a month since my going away party…tomorrow will be a month since i left and thursday will be a month since i arrived. it’s been about a year since the smith/james fiasco. i’m glad it’s all over.
i like my new ‘life.’ it’s amazingly simple, and that could be the answer to all my previous issues. i was probably too stressed out, i needed to chill out! although if my spare time was water i’d say that it’s frozennnnnn, from all the chilling out.

i wish some things would go away. and i figure i’m an international woman of mystery…so maybe i can just ignore those at home who are bugging me about shit i don’t care about.
i have always been a really good avoider.

the superbowl is on sunday. i’ve never felt so apathetic about it. i’ve never been so not excited(that was a terrible use of grammar) i love american things, the most american thing besides apple pie and baseball is football. i have felt the need to surround myself with things that are american…like movies, tv and american junk food. by no means does this equal out to being a ‘proud american’ i still hate george bush, but i should be shitting my pants with anticipation for the most american sporting event of the year.
maybe i’m not looking forward to it because i’ll feel homesick. maybe because i’m feeling so misunderstood by every person that crossed my path. i’m sure it’s a combination of many reasons…but i wish i could be excited.

speaking of american things…i drank way to much pop today. i’m like a big balloon of gas. everyone here is on detox…so they know it’s not them. hehe.

i opened a livejournal to tell the girlies i love most about my european adventure. but i’m thinking about deleting it. i got a letter from alexia today, hurah. she knows exactly how i feel about this physical and emotional distance. it helped me acknowledge my own feelings and really relate to everything happening. it’s nice to know that we think the same things, ocean or not.
i’ve already went through great efforts to try to explain the great meaning of ‘the ocean’ but maybe it’s best left to contemplate individually.

i’ve been mulling over a particular scenario for a while. another best kept to myself…but it’s not real unless i mention it. basically i think karma and fairness has give me another change to right a huge mistake. not that did anything in particular ‘wrong’ but it’s just too strong a feeling to dismiss.

i’m often a little to pompous for my own good.