take a chance

today i asked alexia to take me off life support if i become a vegatable. i’ve been filling out my advance directive and living will. basically i put that i want to be on life support for one year. and after a year i want the plug pulled. it’s wierd being only 18 and thinking about these things. but the wierdest part is that we never know. i could get in a car crash on the way to work and end up a vegatable. but luckily i’ve been discussing my last wished with jen, lexi and my dad. so if the paper work isn’t completly filled out by then…they know what i want. i’m acting like it is certain that i will be a vegatable tonight. lol.

i called james today. we are going to get lunch together next week.

i’m going to try my hardest to be just friends. i think it will work this time, mostly because he pissed me off so much in february. i’m just simply not attracted to him. i think. i hope.

it would be so much easier to deal with him if i had someone actually holding me accountable to stay hands off with him. and i know he says just friends, but to him just friends, just fuck a lot and i am so bored of the same old game.

and i’m still lonely and i’m still bored with my semi-adventureous life.

i had a brilliant thought in the car today. but of course i forgot it already.

my cast comes off in 18 days. i know i’ve only been “disabled” for a few weeks. but i have this amazing appreciation for people who cannot walk. i’ve been my own angry advocate. i think jen is sometimes embarressed to go out with me. because if someone is a jerk to me and it affects my transportation. or just anyone being mean to me, i have just exploded at people. maybe i have just been fed up with everything, but man oh man have i been viscious.

i parked in some lot across from the beauty college. and the apt. complex put one of those stickers you can’t take off on my window. and some old guy was yelling out his window for parking in his lot. and i screamed right back. “i can’t walk you fucking asshole”

i yelled at an elderly man and it was the best thing ever.

and this morning fucking jamestown apts put a god damned sticker on my car. and i called the office and bitched at them. who the fuck vandalizes a handicapped persons car? honestly! fucking assholes.

tonight jen and i are getting blazed and passing out while eating greasy food. oh yes! what a night!

last night i fell asleep in her bed at 10:00. it was so pathetic.

well i am being picked up in an hour and a half and my room is a MESS. so i am going to clean and nap. yawn!

this entry is from livejournal