we must be adopted

i am in the very worst mood. it is a combination of alexia being strange. keenan being himself. my mom being a self-pitying looser. and my hate for practically everyone. especially jenni.

my show went okay today. but just simply okay. i hit all of my lines perfectly on cue. amanda squared had a little trouble, but it wasn’t so bad.

after the show i went out to find alexia, because she is the only person i ever really like. and keenan was dragging her out the door practically. and when i called her name he did a pouting thing with his body and said damnit. as if i had interuppted something so important. she then told me she was in a rush to leave. and said a few things and left. i was so crushed that she would try so hard to leave witout saying goodbye. i wasn’t even listening to her when she left. i don’t even know if she said good job. as i’m trying to absorb this my mom comes up and makes a stupid joke and i snap at her. because she is a moron.

i am so hurt by alexia. it has to be all of my nerves and stress. i began to tear up and went to the dressing room. i got dressed and out of there as quickly as i could. but i just feel like shit.

i had an important email to send to angelo. and i asked my mom, who was playing solitare to let me get on the computer. and she refused to let me on until i told her in detail what my email was about. i am so furious. i have 12 days of highschool left. I AM GROWN UP! she can’t pry into everything like that. i didn’t say anything snotty. in fear of being grounded. because she is so stupid like that.

later she came in and yelled at me. she asked me if i knew how many times a day she is called stupid, fat and rejected. i wanted to scream at her. but nothing came out. i wanted to say. do you know what it is like to avoid coming home every day? do you know how it feels to have your sibling call you fat at home, and in the hallways at school? do you know what it is like to have the worst friendships ever? Maybe you shouldn’t be so dumb. wash your face and run a mile. don’t style your hair like that and stop cutting your own bangs.

i haven;’t really cried in a long time.

i need to get out of here. i think maybe it is time for me to do something else with my life. maybe cocaine.