god made hate

winter’s come in now
full swing
and a total tilt
to the wind

the cold
slithers down
into my lungs
like your worst
Potion No. 9
all absinthe fumes
brilliant highs
bottomed out lows
and i feel
the absence of you
all the more acutely

i came and went
there and back again
the worst vagaband
jangling and clanging
trying
maybe
to taunt you out into the open
but you were nowhere to be found
who’s the turtle now, dear?

and it came to me
while shaving yesterday
that we aren’t friends anymore
not really
we haven’t been for a long time
and i wondered to myself
silently, like usual,
why we even bother
i think i want to hold on to some hope
proof
that i was him once
and in a lot of ways
you’re my best link to it
but it’s always a show
seeing you again
and i’ve known for awhile
that there’s no going home
and in a lot of ways i’d be better off
watching it all drown
but i won’t
i won’t

i have no confessions
i’ve bled it all out
i’ve scribbled my insantiy
i’ve given away all that matters
no return on investment
and
at best
i’m a little lighter for it
what’s left but the mechanical grind?
i’m not burned out
i’m just not entertained
and the things i want
aren’t worth the trouble
no
not really

where does that leave me?

and god made you