Need some space? I’m scared of space!

 Dan doesn’t know this but if he read my diary he would because its gonna be public and he has my password anyways.

Sometimes I think i might be a lesbian because of the way all guys view sex. I think dan can be a great guy he’s so fucking nice its just when it comes to sex he’s like every other guy. I don’t feel connected hardly like love wise when we have sex. Also I told him that sometimes it just seems like we just aren’t compatible and he says he wants to change for me but i don’t think he will like he always says he will but he doesn’t. He’s been doing good progress on his eating disorder and with bringing out all the lies but sometimes I feel like we should take a break. I love him. And I feel sometimes that if I’m not with him I get more anxious but sometimes I feel like we just got into this relationship too fast and I didn’t really have time to think do I really love him or am I just getting attached to him because there is a difference but its a fine line I have figured out. And since I said no to him when we first started dating I feel like I really need time to think and FEEL. If I love him I will be able to tell from some time apart. I wish that we could take a break but I know we can’t because I can’t move from his house. It’s not that i’m using him because he can read this if he wants it’s just that he knows that at my house I would just panic all the time and I need this place, I need this stability for once in my life and even if me and dan did ever break up I would always be his best friend. I just need time to think because of the way the relationship happened so fast and i never really had time to think, I had trouble saying no back then so I just sort of fell into it and I am afraid because we have been fighting so much. I am afraid of how clingy he is, how he feels like he can’t live without me. He needs to get better without me. I can’t be the reason he gets better, because then if anything ever happened or we got into a fight he would regress just like what happened with sabrina and bethann. I feel like dan needs to figure out who he is go in some deep therapy. He has some deep issues. I feel like I need some time but I’m afraid of being alone and that scares me. I’m afraid of going back home because dan is the only one I feel who truely i feel comfortable around but is that really love? Maybe it is love but since it has been so long the romance and sexual satisfaction is fading and I am frustrated. I feel like if he reads this he will think its because I feel like I love or want sabrina more but thats not true, the only way I would date sabrina is if like you she got into a committed therapy program to work on her problems and not just rely on other people. Plus she is with bethann and I don’t want to be a part of that. These are just thoughts right now…not saying I wanna break up. Thats the problem I have with people they take my diary entries so serious to heart. These are my thoughts people, every fucking thought I have I put in here so sometimes its just bullshit and sometimes it is real you will never know until you ask me later, dont just assume.