Long Way Back Home.

Last night I ripped every one of my BNL cds to my computer, and now I have all of their songs playing on random, over and over and over. Hence the title of this entry. And the title of yesterday’s entry. It comes to about 120 songs, if you include Buck Naked and the Yellow Tape, neither of which I actually have except in mp3 form, and not including the holiday album, which I honestly don’t care for. It’s also not including the several hundred recordings of songs I have of them live, because I’m not in the mood for that right now. Okay, I’m babbling.

My ladies make me happy. Oh, Steven Page. Why won’t you marry me?With a little bit of money finally in my pocket yesterday, I decided that I could indulge myself just a little bit. I managed to go ten whole days without spending a single dollar. I thought to myself, what do I want on a Saturday night? I considered curling up on the couch with a bottle of red wine and a sappy chick flick, while the addict in me screamed for cigarettes and diet coke and the fat-girl inside me who never gets to eat begged for chinese food. I ended up going for the chinese food, because I’ve been dieting all month and I’ve lost ten pounds and I couldn’t possibly live in a world without lo mein.

Yes — for once my attempts at watching what I eat are actually succeeding. I’m home three hours earlier in the evenings than I was at my old job, so I’m learning to cook things that are good for me, and I’m walking three miles to and from work every day and I actually feel healthy for a change. Last spring and summer I had lost about twenty pounds, but I always felt so deprived and thus ended up gaining it back — along with ten more. This time, it’s easy. And what’s more, it’s working. And chinese food once a month? Isn’t going to change that.

I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to move back home. I miss home.

I love Philadelphia, but I’m lonely. I don’t have a best friend here, or anybody with common interests. I miss my family. I miss front lawns. I miss driving. Every time I go home to visit, I stand outside at night and look at the sky because we don’t get stars in the city. I want to go to movies with my mom and grandma and meet my brother’s girlfriends and play scrabble with my dad. I’ve been here for a year-and-a-half, and I’m tired of being without the people and things I grew up with.

The only thing that’s stopping me is money. The cost of living is just too damned high. There are only two choices available for most of the people who grew up with me: live with the parents, or move away. I chose the latter. I wish that I hasn’t needed to, but the former just isn’t an option for me. I get along with my family a whole lot better when we’re not under the same roof.

I could find a decent enough apartment in any number of the small towns near my family for about $100-$150 more than I’m paying now, and I suppose that I could make that happen if I worked hard enough, but, and here’s where the problem lies, I’d need a car as well. I can get by here without a car. That’s not possible at home. Trust me. I could never, by any stretch of the imagination, pay for an apartment and a car on the amount of money that people are going to pay me for the kind of work I do. I’ve crunched these numbers before. There’s no way.

I think that I just might be the only person in the history of the world to have ever missed North Jersey, but, well, there you go.

I’m not entirely sure why I continue to fill out these surveys that ask a lot of questions about past sexual experiences. If I tell the truth, which is kind of the whole point, it gives a wrong impression of me based on ways I haven’t acted in years. And yet, I can’t seem to help myself. I just like talking about sex, I guess. Well, and having it too, but talking about it is a whole heck of a lot easier for me than having to deal with other people. In any case, I swiped this from FlyingLow, who just might be the only person on the planet who likes talking about sex more than I do.

BASICS

1.) What is your full name? Rickie Beth F.

2.) How old are you? 22. My next birthday is, as of today, less than one month away.

3.) What is your weight and height? I’m 5’4″. There’s no way in hell you’re getting my weight.

4.) What color is your hair and eyes? My hair is medium boring blah brown, and my eyes are grey.

5.) What color underwear are you wearing right now? I am wearing no underwear right now.

6.) What do your favorite underwear look like? I love cotton bikini briefs from Victoria’s Secret and have them in about a million colors and styles. My favourite pair right now is light pink with a pink/orange/brown plaid pattern printed on them.

KISSING QUESTIONS

7.) How old were you when you got your first kiss? Fourteen.

8.) How old was the other person? Thirteen. It was his first kiss too, only I didn’t know that then, and he didn’t know that it was mine.

9.) How many different people have you kissed? I lost count about four years ago. It’s well over fifty by now.

10.) What’s your favorite way to kiss? I like it best when it lasts forever. From little closed-mouth kisses to open mouths with tongues to neck and ear biting and back again. I fucking love kissing. It’s my favourite thing in the whole world.

11.) When was the last time you kissed someone and who was it? Unfortunately, the last person I kissed was Craig, and that was about two months ago.

12.) Who were the last 3 people you kissed? Craig was the most recent, then before him was my, um, friend with whom I’ve been somewhat casually fooling around for the past few months, and the person before that, well, I’ll respect his privacy and leave his name out of it.

13.) Who is the best and worst people you’ve kissed? The worst was this guy named Josh from when I was 16. He had these thick, meaty lips that were just absolutely vile. Ugh, I still have nightmares about those lips. The best? Well, it changes all the time because I’ve found that most people are pretty damned good at it, but I am rather partial to the um-friend, because he just gets so in to it, like there isn’t a thing in the world that he’d rather be doing than kissing me. I love that.

14.) Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yep.

15.) If so, how many different people? Again, I’ve lost count. It’s probably hovering somewhere around twenty.

16.) How old is the oldest person you’ve kissed? When I had just turned 19, he was 28 or 29, which puts him in his early 30s now.

17.) Would you kiss someone you just met? I already have.

18.) Have you ever kissed someone who’s last name you didn’t know? Again, I already have.

19.) Do you regret kissing anyone? I have no serious regrets, at least not about kissing. Kissing’s harmless, as long as everybody involved is single and it’s all in good fun.

SEX QUESTIONS—————-SKIP IF YOU’RE A VIRGIN

20.) How old were you when you lost your virginity? *shrug* I don’t know. It’s complicated.

21.) How old was the other person? If I can’t figure out when I lost my virginity to begin with, then I very well can’t tell you how old the other person was, now can I?

22.) Do you regret it? To be honest, I never really felt that I was ever a virgin in the first place. Sex never seemed like anything that new or different to me, so it wasn’t a big deal when I started having it.

23.) How many different people have you slept with? I’m not entirely sure. Somewhere around a dozen, I should think. I like to discount all of the things that I did as a stupid teenager though, and that brings the answer down to two.

24.) How many of them were boy/girlfriends? Just one. Even out of the larger number, just one. That’s embarrassing to me.

25.) How old is the oldest person you’ve slept with? 27.

26.) Can you name all the people you’ve slept with? Probably, if I really try. Some of it’s a blur, though.

27.) Have you ever had a one-night stand? Yeah.

28.) Where have you had sex, besides on a regular bed? I like this question. Okay. First there are the irregular beds — futons and bunk-beds (the top level) and, of course, my rockin’ loft. Then there are floors and couches and office-chairs and kitchen counters and dining-room tables and exercise apparatuses. And showers. And cars. And almost a movie theatre, once, but it didn’t actually happen. None of that’s really so unusual though, I don’t think.

29.) Where do you want to have sex? Wherever, really. It’s all good.

30.) Who is the best you’ve ever been with? Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t really had that many opportunities to try anybody out for more than a day or two. Except Craig, of course, and he’s only just adequate.

31.) Who is the worst? Probably this guy from college who kind of repulsed me and with whom I only did anything with because I wanted to fuck his girlfriend. I can’t believe I just admitted to that.

32.) Would you sleep with someone you just met? I’ve done that in the past, but I wouldn’t any more.

33.) How long do you need to know someone before you sleep with them? This is a weird question for me, because I’ve never really had a good opportunity for me to test myself. Most of the time, I either date people whom I already know very well, or I meet people over the internet, which allows people to get to know each other so well, so quickly, that the length of time it takes for me to feel comfortable shrinks drastically.

34.) Do you like “making love”, “having sex”, or “fucking” better? I hate the term “make love.” It’s so fucking hokey. It’s all just sex to me, baby.

35.) Do you have any fantasies? Doesn’t everybody?

36.) Have you ever had a threesome? Once. With the aforementioned repulsive guy and his totally hot girlfriend. I wouldn’t do it again, but damn. She was hot. But again, I wouldn’t do it again.

37.) Have you ever watched anyone have sex? Not that I can recall. I’ve listened, though. And I’m forced to listen nearly every morning at around 7AM when my neighbors upstairs get all jiggy with it. It’s quite annoying, really. Although I am a bit jealous.

38.) Has anyone ever watched you have sex? Yes, but I was too drunk at the time to care. God, I hate this. I write answers like this and it shocks me because it’s all so not me. I was really messed up a few years ago.

39.) What is the most number of times you’ve slept with one person? I’ve never really counted. Craig’s the most though, and that’s probably a couple hundred times.

40.) How much of a sexual person would you consider yourself? I’m very, almost excessively sexual. I’m also comfortable enough with myself that I don’t need to have it just for validation, and can save it for people whom I actually care about.

41.) Have you ever been so drunk, you didn’t remember having sex? I’ve been drunk enough to have sex that I wouldn’t have had sober, but I’ve always remembered it.

42.) What is your favorite position? I know it sounds boring, but I love missionary. I love feeling the weight of another person on top of me. It makes me feel safe. Plus, I’m just too submissive for my own good.

43.) Have you ever had anal sex? No.

44.) If so, did you like it? N/A

45.) If not, would you ever? Not really — it’s one of the few things that totally skeeves me out.

OTHER SEXUAL STUFF

46.) Have you ever given head or eaten a girl? Both, actually. Not at the same time. Although that would be interesting.

47.) Do you like doing it? Oh, god yes. I LOVE it.

48.) Do you like receiving it? It’s okay. I prefer penetration. But I certainly wouldn’t turn down good head when it’s being offered!

49.) Have you ever done 69? Actually, no.

50.) Would you ever kiss someone after they gave you oral sex? Sure. I don’t see why some people find it gross. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, no?

51.) How loud are you during sex? You know, I don’t really know? I know that I’m a bit of a moaner, but I don’t really know where I fall on the decibel scale.

52.) How much do you like sex? It’s the best thing in the world. Except maybe cheese. No, wait, it’s better than cheese.

FOR VIRGINS

53.) What do you think of sex?

54.) Do you believe in sex before marriage?

55.) How old do you want to be when you lose your virginity?

56.) How far have you gone before?

57.) What do you think of people who have sex?

OTHER QUESTIONS

58.) What turns you on the most? When somebody grabs my hands, pins them above my head, and bites my neck. Oh my fucking god. I need a moment to myself, wait there for a minute.

Okay, I’m back.

59.) What tricks have you learned that turn on the opposite sex? I’ve never met a man who didn’t enjoy having his earlobes nibbled.

60.) How sexual would your perfect boy/girlfriend be? Definitely at least as sexual as me, but in a creative way. It’s no fun to be with somebody who never wants to play. *cough*CRAIG*cough*

61.) Is there anywhere you would never have sex? In my parents’ bedroom. Ick.

62.) If you could have sex with one celebrity, who would it be? I have no farking clue.

63.) Who do you think is the hottest celebrity of your sex? Rachel Bilson, who is just about the most beautiful creature, celebrity or not, that I’ve ever seen in my life.

64.) Who is the hottest guy in your school? School?
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65.) Who is the hottest girl in your school? Again, school? Although I will say that I’m still nursing a crush from high-school on this tiny goth girl named Tara who was a freshman when I was a senior. I don’t think I’ve even seen her since I graduated, and that was five years ago. But damn, I wanted her.

66.) Who is the biggest “slut” you know? Probably me. Heh.

67.) Have you ever been tested for STDs before? I got tested at college, but not since then. I suppose that I should do it again, but I haven’t engaged in any risky behaviors since then.

68.) What protection do you use? Condoms. They don’t bother me, and seeing if a guy whines about them or not is a good litmus test for me to see how responsible he is.

69.) What is your favorite kind of condom? ONE WITHOUT SPERMICIDE. I’m painfully allergic to the stuff. One condom with spermicide equals five days of intense pain for me. And the weird thing is, I didn’t even figure that out until a few months ago, because the condoms that my school gave out for free and the ones that Craig always preferred didn’t use it. It’s weird to think that I’d been having sex and using condoms for so many years before discovering that I’m allergic to the vast majority of them.

70.) Have you ever been or gotten someone pregnant? I’ve never been pregnant, although I’ve taken lots of pregnancy tests. That’s what paranoia and an irregular period will do to a girl.

71.) How far would you go with someone of the same sex? Well, I was exclusively a lesbian for at least two years of my life, and I’ve already done just about everything that’s possible for two women to do together, so I’d say that this question is rather moot.

72.) Have you ever taken nude pictures? I’ve been naked in pictures that were taken, but pictures were never taken of me naked. Does that make sense? In other words, while I may have been naked during the snapping of the photograph, the resulting images don’t contain any significant amounts of nudity.

73.) If not, would you? I wouldn’t take explicit nudie pics, no.

74.) Would you ever let someone videotape you having sex? No thanks. I’m not that interested in seeing myself make funny faces while bent in half.

75.) Have you ever used any food for sexual purposes? Not really, although that could be fun.

76.) Have you ever participated in bondage? A guy blindfolded me once. I want more! Tie me up! Restrain me! Spank me, dammit!

77.) Describe the sexiest female lingerie outfit? There is absolutely no point to lingerie. If I’m trying to have sex, why would I put on more clothes than I would normally wear?

78.) What do you think is sexiest about the opposite sex? I am a huge fan of the clavicle. Also, on really skinny guys, whom I prefer anyway, there are these little indentations on their backs right above the butt, and I find it awfully cute. Oh, and then there’s that little diagonal that the pelvis-bone makes, just below the waistline on either side of the bellybutton. Okay, I need another moment here.

79.) What do you think is sexiest about your sex? I love the curve from the waist to the hip. It’s so sexy and smooth and distinctly feminine. I also love a little soft belly pooch and the profile of perky little breasts that make a kind of teardrop shape. And I’m especially partial to necks. Mmm, necks. You know, dammit, I just like the human body. Male, female, whatever. People are just fucking beautiful, and I love them. Is that so wrong?