Better

 

I’m home now. After Sunday mornings crap, I went up north to my mom and dad’s for a couple days. Had to get away from it all. I needed to step back from the situation to get a good look at it and to figure out what to do about it. I’ve come to realize a few things over the past couple days.

For one, I’m not responsible for what happened. It’s not my fault, it’s his. He isn’t dealing with this, and he needs to. He needs help, professional help. I don’t know if he will get it or not, but that’s not my problem anymore. I can’t keep worrying about him and how he will react to everything.

Secondly, I need to take charge of my life again. I need to stop resisting change and just go with it, whatever way I want to. I’ve lost myself in the past couple weeks, and I need to find myself again.

Thirdly, I realized how much my life revolves around routine and my kids. Being laid off and my kids being gone has thrown me off. I can’t wait for the girls to come back on Friday. I love that they get this experience, but I hate that they’re away from me for so long. It will be good when they come home. I miss them so much!

Hopefully things will get better from here on out. I had my astrological chart read by a friend of my moms, and I felt relief. Everything is right on track, and it will resolve when it is time for it to. Things will be hard for a little while, but I know that I am strong enough to deal with it. I will deal with whatever comes my way head-on and let it happen.

My emotions cannot come into play with some things, but I have to let them out with others. I can’t keep holding them in as much anymore. I’m a very emotional person, and I need to find the balance between too much and not enough.

For now, that is enough. Knowing things will get better helps a lot. Getting away for a couple days helped. My head is much clearer, and I know that I can deal with what happened the other night and help find a solution so that it doesn’t happen again. Keeping my doors locked and bolted at all times (never had to do that before), is one step. Hopefully it won’t have to go on for too long, because it’s not a permanent solution, and it’s not suppose to be necessary where I live. Locking them at night is one thing, but during they day, even when I’m home, is certainly another.

Now that I’m home, I get to clean up and unpack and get to preparing the house (and my cat) for two rambunctious little girls to take over again in a few days. I’m looking forward to it, I can’t wait!

Don’t Be A Lurker…