There is no title to what im feeling

He has different personalities…one minute he’s loving n caring n hopeful…the next he’s angry…hateful…n mean.
Today I realized…i will never be good enough. He constantly tells me he needs a woman who does this or that n that I’m.just not her….i hear constantly how these kids n myself are sucking the life out of him…how when we weren’t here n he was by himself…how he loved it but now that we are back…he don’t want to come home. I didn’t ask to come back here…he asked me to come back.
Today he got angry that the spaghetti from days ago was still n the fridge…so he went on an attack n came after me verbally. I simply said..”if it bothers u so much…why don’t u just take it out the fridge n throw it out…bevause it don’t bother me like it’s bothering u”. That angered him n made him go into a rant n attack my character as a person n woman…he then compares me to another woman by making another woman an example of the type of woman he needs n wants…he smashes my character into the ground. When shit is good….i try n convince myself that things will get better but then his alter-ego resurfaces n the hate comes after me like I’m his enemy. At these moments…i feel hopeless…i feel trapped…i feel defeated. I don’t cry…i sit n shut up n just listen to his hateful words….n I listen to him tell me I’m dumb….stupid…retarded…how he can never be with a woman like me…i just internalize it..
Swallow it…allow it to eat at my insides…n then I try to salvage the little bit of positive I can find inside of me n I pray…read the Bible…watch YouTube videos about how to keep a positive mind in a negative situations…n I write..post up prayers on my wall to try n read in times like these.
He is emotionally n mentally abusive…n my feelings feel beaten.