It doesn’t feel the same

Game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals starts tonight at 8pm, but it doesn’t feel the same to me. Usually I am all excited and can’t wait for the game to start. But right now I am crying because I don’t have my little hockey buddy Zoe to enjoy the game with me. Normally I’d pick her up and we’d watch the game together. Not like she understands it or anything, but she likes it. I got her obssessed with it just like I am. I’m sitting here looking at a picture of me and her in our Pens jersey’s and I can’t help but cry. I miss sharing games with her. It was something that I enjoyed more than anything. These past few months have been rough not watching games with her.

I’d tell her all the important things about hockey, like how Mario Lemieux is the best hockey player ever, and how we have to hate the Flyers. I know she is too young to understand, but it’s never too early to start. She cheers when they score and boos when the other team scores. I remember when Tom and I took her to a game against Carolina and the Pens lost 7-0. We had such a good time. When we got there they were warming up on the ice and she got so excited. She was waving to the players and pointing to Johan Hedberg saying, “Moose, moose!” She was even blowing them kisses. It was sooooo cute. Tom and I fed her nachos, cotton candy, pretzels, popcorn, and soda. Yeah I know it’s a bad thing to feed a young child all that junk but it’s sacrelige not to. She passed out asleep on the way home. All the excitement wore her down. But we had fun. I’m glad that I could share that experience with her. It’s one of the memories that I will always cherish. Sharing my love of the game with her was something that I’m glad that I could do.

Hockey was something that Jess and I shared. We’d go to games and carry on like crazy. Screaming and jumping around dancing. We had game rituals. In a way it kinda helped our friendship bond. We’ve grown apart, but it was something that we wanted to do with our kids. So I tried to share it with Zoe, and she loved every minute of it. It just kills me that in 4 hours and 15 minutes, I’m going to be watching the first game of the finals alone, with noone to help me cheer on the Canes. I can picture it. We’d sit there eating popcorn, drinking soda, and just be together watching something that we love. It just doesn’t feel the same. I feel kinda empty, like it’s not even gonna be worth my effort to watch it, and try to enjoy it. I tried to call Jess to see if maybe I could pick up Zoe and spend some time with her, but there was no answer. She is probably at work. Maybe I’ll try calling her again tomorrow, or later on tonight. I don’t know. I just want everything to be the way it was.