I tried to tell him…

…but I couldn’t. I really wanted to tell Eddie that I was in trouble and I needed help. I have been feeling really depressed lately, and I have found myself taking vicodan and flexerol just to be able to force myself to get out of bed and make it through the day. It’s like I can’t function without it. It is causing me terrible mood swings. One minute I’m up and the next minute I’m down. It’s getting to the point where I know I am out of control, I just don’t know how to help myself. I tried to tell Eddie, but Dave interrupted us. I couldn’t tell Eddie with dave standing there, because I don’t want him to know. I don’t trust him enough to tell him. Eddie is the only person I can trust with this problem. I did tell Brunk about it, but I swore him to secrecy and he promised not to tell as long as I told Eddie and got help. Which I did promise him. I even started to tell Eddie, but I couldn’t finish my conversation with him because of Dave.

I almost told Jimmy when we went out riding. I know that I can trust him, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him for fear that it would ruin the great time we were having.

Anyways no matter what I will talk to Eddie alone tonight and tell him what’s going on. I know he can help me and that he won’t say anything to anyone. At least I know that I need help. I am usually pretty good at that. I know when my life is on a downward spiral and I know when I need help. I think that with Eddie’s help and my vacation home to see Momma at the end of the month, I will be able to beat this problem. Until then I will continue to try to stop taking any ‘scripts. I’ve done okay the past week or so, only slipped up once, almost twice.