Try the blowjobs

I went to Mexico on Saturday,

My mom
dad
and I
sat in a tiny room

while small Mexican girls gave us pedicures.

My dad was apprehensive
mostly because what we were doing was super gay
It was ok because my mom was there
and we were doing this for her
and
After a while
he relaxed

and the three of us talked and laughed

and I remembered why my parents are better than yours
(my dad will beat your dad’s ass with his own lawn!)

and as the young mexican girls,
one american foot in their lap,
scraped and sanded

my dad said
"This is great right?"
and the "great"
was a shy echo of the Tony the tiger

And I said
fast as anything
"yeah, but your erection is pretty embarrassing"

and my mom laughed her ass of
and my dad got red faced
until he realized that the only english the girls knew
were
Pedicure
OK
and amounts of money.

the only thing I bought there
was a Burrito
and ate it.

It wasn’t any better than the ones I get up here.
so stop inviting me to go get "real authentic" mexican food.
I’ve had it
You can get it anywhere
Anywhere they need laborers
except india
and china

and probably Affrica
Which needs laborers
but even mexicans won’t go there
Every place I travel
and we go out to eat
people want me to try the mexican food in their town. 
"it’s not like other places"
Yeah
but it’s still mexican food

and yeah
it is just like other places

And the same thing happens with BBQ
"You can’t get BBq like this up north!"

Who’d want to

"try the broken glass, it’s not like where you’re from"

Dicks

You know what no one ever says

You have to try the chocolate cake buffet

You have to try the blowjobs here, they’re authentic.