My shadow

My past always seems to come out and attack me. It scares me into going straight when I needed to take a right turn at the stop sign.  It frightens me into Running that same stop sign. It causes an accident hurting myself, and quite possibly many others. It causes me to have to crawl from whatever wreckage was created, only to find this has been added to the ever growing shadow.

I try to hide and it’s right there.  I try to move on. Unsucessfully.

Everything in life counts on those mistakes I made. Everyone pays attention to them, and ignores my merits.

I’ve made mistakes, but nobody can drop them.  I’ve paid for them but nobody can comprehend that.  I try to move on and nobody expects success.

Even me. I’ve lost hope, and I gotta say, it’s not a very good feeling.

Money? I’m a failure.
Jobs? No good there either.
Love? I wish. I try, but usually make a mistake and ruin all chances, or I get used and take it because im too much of a coward.
Life? So far I’m Zero for Three, Life, is no exception.

I’ll keep trying though. But I wonder if trying is worth it without any feeling to back it up? If all my attempts are filled with apathy, I can’t give it my best. So is it worth it?

I meet a girl. I don’t talk to her, she doesn’t talk to me.  This is a suprise? I’m afraid not. Does it bode well for our Hero [Me] of course not.  In fact, it means another lonley day. But this I can deal with. I definatly don’t prefer it, mind you. But I can deal. I’m good at putting up with shit I don’t want.

Do I resign to failure again? Will that just increase that godforsaken shadow stalking me every waking moment, and invading me head every time I sleep?

Apparently.

As always,
         James

AIM/MSN: Ziktick(@hotmail.com for MSN users) feel free to contact me.
QUOTE OF THE MOMENT:
Dr. Thurman: The search for God is absurd?
Donnie Darko: It is if everyone dies alone.