Self Examination pt. II

(CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS POST, PLEASE READ IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY OT MAKE SENSE OF THIS)

Now why would I do that? Why would I judge someone like that? I’ve heard nothing but good things about him. Well, the only things I can think of are the fact that it’s my Ex’s BF. Just kind of fits. But I’m above that, so I can’t let that dictate a goddamned thing I do. So I won’t accept thats the only reason, and I will never let that affect me as long as I realize thats the reason. Another reason is immediatly upon dating my Ex would call me up. Which is cool, we’re friends. But then she would start talking about him adn comparing us. I don’t know if she realized it, but she did. and that’s not something you do. I don’t want to be compared to anyone. And when it comes to as a boyfriend? no way. Who cares if he’s older then me? We’re both 21. Yet when you said it, you made it seems so important to you and like it was such a big deal. I don’t know if you realized it, but you did. and thats I think the main cause of this. Is how she is acting.

My ex works at a resturant, and once my friends came to work form there and said asked how late i work. My ex wanted to know because her BF was there and she didn’t want me coming in. (After she started dating him, she asked if I cared if he played games with us. And I said I don’t mind) So whats the big deal about meeting at a resturant I goto often? It’s not like I’m going to start a fight, and I doubt he would. I’ve never fought in my life, I’m not starting now. and if he punched me once in the jaw, it’d shatter, and he’d have WELL over $50k in hospital bills alone. (3 days I was in the hospital & it cost $25,000(And that doesn’t even include the acutal surgery! (HOLY SHIT!)))

Anyways, nobody in their right mind would want to risk that.

So I can’t understand why she would say something like that, and almost be afraid. Is she afriad we’ll become friends? Is she afriad I’ll tell him some deep dark secrets about her to him? is she afraid I’ll lie to him? I assume she knows me better then this, after almost 2 years almost anyone would… but still?

The reason I get so upset, I think, is uncertainty. I know my Ex well enough. and I know that many of the things said above were a part of her past long ago, but she has abondoned those ways and become a generally honest person. And I would be suprised to find out. So I think it’s just that we have to talk and work things out. Ease the tension. And I have to meet him because it’s just going to get more akward living my life avoiding them but maintaining some of my best friends.

Now I have my resolve. I have to speak with her, and with him. Not a big deal, just an introduction, Hey hows it going. get to know each other a bit, find a common point of interest, and go from there. I’m glad they found each other, and hope I yield results with my passive search for a girlfriend.

Thanks for joining me on this lil journey of mine. I reccomend that you do this as well if you feel the need. IT may take a while to accomplish, depending ont he severity of your problems. But in the end, as long as its resolved, for better or for worse, you can move on. And eventully, remedy.

As always,
         James

AIM/MSN: Ziktick(@hotmail.com for MSN users) feel free to contact me.
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