Responsibility blows.

“If people that say growing up is tough, then they just aren’t grown up enough, baby.”

 

It’s true. Growing up is tough. And no way in hell am I grown up enough.

 

I remember the days when all I needed was a few action figures to keep me entertained for hours. I long for those days.  Now, I need video games, books, movies, hobbies or whatever, and even those aren’t considered healthy to some, and certainly not allowable in today’s working world. 

 

Fuck the working world.

 

People will sit there and complain about their 9-5 jobs, day in day out. They’ve given up doing what they want, until the mid-life crisis when they go back to school and do what they want.  Kids, (like me), goto college after high school out of their parents wishes, not so much their own and fail.  I’ve tried college so many times, and will keep trying. It’s my money going down the drain, I’m climbing farther and farther in debt, but once I find a college I like, I’ll adhere to it and complete it without trouble. That’s how I am.

 

And it sucks.

 

I’ve been doing Web Design for a while now, Freelance, taken classes to get them done, but no luck there. The courses I take are all infantile. For absolute beginners, and “advanced” is for novices, not advanced people. Other then that, it’s business classes. What the hell? No.  I’m not trying to start a business, I’m trying to JOIN one. Big difference. I couldn’t run a business. I’m too sympathetic. Not hungry enough for the blood of goats and stuff needed to be successful (like Bill Gates). I’ll work for him though, cause I’m good at what I do, don’t stop till its done, and I’m sure he pays well. So gimme a call Bill, we’ll talk. (651) 462-9400. Rather, email me, cause I can’t talk right now.

 

I’ve got bills to pay. I’ve got to work, regardless of if I enjoy it. I have to goto school. I want to maintain a social life, but my friends left and will continue to do so.  I want a girlfriend, but I don’t meet people.  I want, but I can’t do. I’m not grown up enough.

 

When will I be though? A year? Five? I don’t know.  How will I? I don’t know.  Where will I be? I just don’t don’t know.

 

I remember the question, where do you see yourself at the age of 30? Well honestly, I can’t see myself at 30.  I’ve never been able to think like that. I barely see myself in a year.  Plans never work for me. Yet the responsible thing to do is make plans and follow them. Well, when they don’t work out, I can’t. So what’s a guy to do? So I sit and wonder. Write an entry hoping things will come to me. Nothing though. I guess I’m doing everything right for a change. I’m not planning. I’m just living. The best I can and hope it works out.

 

I’ve always told people that though the journey may suck at times, the end results of anything always end up for the best if you try. Well, I’ve been trying, the journey has sucked, and still is sucking. But I hope I’m right.

 

Dear god I hope I’m right.

– James
AIM/MSN: Ziktick(@hotmail.com for MSN users) feel free to contact me.
Veni veni venias, no me mori Facias.