Dementia Journal — Storms — Sept. 20, 2018

I’m lying in bed upstairs relaxing tonight, listening to some soothing music. There’s no baby monitor on. I don’t have to listen out for Mom because our new caregiver is here until 9 pm. She’s so good with Mom I wish she could work every night, but she has a full time day job and I don’t want to push my luck since she’s coming three nights a week now. What a relief each of the evenings are with extra help. I wish I knew how to convey to you who have the freedom to do what you want with your time, how blessed a reprieve those few hours are. I have help during the day, but that’s when I want to get out of the house to be doing things and getting away from everything. At night I want to just relax and read, but I can’t. When I don’t have help at night I’m sitting on the sofa until bedtime seven nights a week. I try to read some but it raked great effort to concentrate. I’m so behind with my reading now I’ll never catch up, but what wonderful books I have accumulated over the years!

Another reason to be grateful tonight is that Charleston was spared Hurricane Florence. Wondering what forecast would be correct and dreading down in the pit of my stomach the dire possibilities of a hit from that horrible monster far out in the ocean, created one of my he most stressful weeks I’ve ever been through. The storm has wreaked such havoc with flooding rains over North Carolina and the northeastern part of our state. Even though it didn’t end up coming here, and we had very little wind and rain, the governor ordered our coast to be evacuated because there were models that predicted the storm would stall over the North Carolina coast and drift south toward Charleston.

What an awful, indescribably dreadful announcement that was! I knew I could and would not leave our house if the Hurricane Center had it going steadily and consistently north of us. That is exactly what happened, but there was so much wild speculation that I refused to watch the Weather Channel and CNN, or anything else on TV. So the governor wanted me to move a diabetic, homebound, 94-year old parent with advanced dementia somewhere away from here. It’s something I would only have done if I absolutely had to, meaning we would wait until the last minute. Thank God we didn’t have to evacuate. The stress and ordeal of such a trek to escape a storm might have been worse than staying if it was actually coming here. It could have done in both me and Mom. She might have had what I call a “dementia storm,” where she gets out of control with fear and anxiety. I could have had a stroke or heart attack. So what do you do in such a situation? There is no emergency shelter that would take us in. We’d be on our own. We’d have to drive to Mom’s home town a hundred miles away from here and hope for the best. Fortunately, a good friend of my mother’s oldest sister lives there and she could help us get medical care if necessary. We have no family anywhere within several hundred miles who could take us in. Knowing my brother, who lives nearby, he’d want to stay and look after his home on the beach or evacuate to our house in town which would be safer. If the storm was bad enough I would hope reason would prevail and all three us would get out of here.

We had to evacuate two years ago for Hurricane Matthew, staying with my cousin 49 miles away. They promptly lost power while Charleston didn’t. I’d never do that again. It’s nerve-wracking giving Mom her insulin by flashlight. Plus there were a host of other issues with that scenario. Last year we almost had to evacuate for another storm that veered away from us. So that’s three awful Hurricane seasons in a row. I really can’t take living along the coast much longer, as beautiful as it is. It’s not worth it.

What’s also so awful about evacuating is thinking what to take out of all my files and boxes of priceless memorabilia going back to childhood. The history of my life. I have a couple of file boxes with those things prioritized, but so much would have to be left behind including most of the books I love dearly. I can hardly bear even writing this because it stirs up so much dread and worry. Thankfully, I do have a storage unit that seems to be very secure.

Three years in a row. The climate is changing. The oceans are warming, there’s more moisture in the air to feed the storms which are getting more and more intense. It’s frightening when you think about it for any length of time. Just look at the pictures this week of the flooding in our state and especially North Carolina. It breaks your heart, but it’s a portent of what’s in store. This is only the beginning where the effects are really noticeable and worse than the scientists predicted.

The last time we had to evacuate for a hurricane prior to 2016 was for Hurricane Floyd in 1999. That year Mom was independent and living in her house in town and I had my apartment. Here’s part of what I wrote in my online journal dated September 16, 1999:

…Just this past Sunday, we were settled and comfortable. It was a rather pleasant weekend. But Monday night I knew with terrible apprehension what the morning would bring. I went to bed around 1:30 and tossed and turned, telling myself to be calm. Monday morning finally came and I dreaded getting up and looking at the Weather her Channel and the broadcasts telling us the storm was coming our way. Visions of Hurricane Hugo and Andrew in years past leaving in their wake miles of rubble that were once houses struck a deep fear of the wrath of Nature in everyone. You could sense it everywhere. We decided to get out of town before the 12 noon evacuation order took place, and it’s a good thing we did. We had a two-hour drive turn into a four-hour one. But we were lucky and smart about where we went. Others spend 12-18 hours crawling along in backed up traffic on I-26.

…Imagine what it was like Tuesday morning to begin pulling together things you value and treasure and want to save. Books. Photos. Memorabilia. I couldn’t comprehend it all so I just started stuffing travel bags and gathering together clothes, food and water for the trip. I had this awful foreboding that I might return to a place in ruins.

…Having to abandon your home and possessions and head inland is a terrible experience. It had to be done I know…The possible pending loss of all your possessions in a hurricane that was being called one of the three most powerful of the century had a rather chilling and sobering effect. It certainly made me think about my priorities in life…

Now, almost 20 years later, we were spared again. Hurricane Floyd in 1999 passed far enough east of us out at sea that we had minimal damage. Not so 10 years before that when Hurricane Hugo blasted Charleston and half of South Carolina in 1989..

The stress of daily life as a caregiver is hard enough without the existential threat of destruction by hurricane and flood.. But that is what I go through every September. Mom has no comprehension of what this time of year means anymore. Her obliviousness makes me feel even more the heavy weight of responsibility for her welfare. If it was only me who had to deal with this I could cope okay, but when you have a fragile, dearly loved parent to take care of 24/7, I count the days until we can breathe a little easier.