01/17/2014

Remember you only miss someone when there isn’t someone to comfort you the way you once were. What made you whole can make you feel half as full. love has this way of building you up. Making your walls tough. and this way of cracking and breaking everything up in a way you cannot even imagine.

I so desperatly want to feel and remember why I am ending up in such a place. All I ever do is see your face. Not the sad ones, only the smiling kinds. You were my light in the darkness, and the hope of my life. It’s getting dark in this heart of mine again. Nothing seems to shine on me anymore other then darkness. I feel so much hatred and anguish towards happy people and it makes me want to drive a steak into this frankenstiene heart of mine. "oh you will heal in time" I hear every time. Piece this heart back together, make another stich over another bleeding wound. piece it together and call it your own. Stop taking little by little of what people give you to make you who you are.

I’m scared of who I am. Scared of knowing I really have NO clue who I am. It’s helpless and hopeless in every way possible. Who can you be when you cannot even be yourself? I was always good at acting, but who are you when the curtain closes? what do I get to be at the end of the day? I would love to just forget everything and start all over again. Forget the Adam I was. Forget what I once stood for. What are all these feathers in my cap? what does each one stand for? blood stained, kicked in the dirt. I’m Always the one left hurt.