04/05/2013

well I have taken a few days away to just find myself and make myself realizxe it’s not the end of the world. It’s hard to live each day knowing you used to be loved. Call me a helpless romantic, call me whatever you want. I’m my own person.

Yes Lindsay finally broke up with me. She texted me and told me that we needed to talk. I asked her if everything was okay, and what I got back almost immediatly was "idk" followed by this really long message that said she was hurt because of not getting into grad school, and that she didn’t know what she was going to be doing in the near future. So she said it was best to break up with me. She told me she was really upset that she had to do that. yet a week later she is posting stuff to other guys on twitter, and posting things about how happy she is.. So why can’t I be happy? the answer is I can. I’m just not a prick… I’ve had a few girls already message me, and honestly I thought about talking to them. However… I’ve came the the realization.

I need to be single for awhile. Where there are no temptations, where there is nothing to do, nothing to be. a simple little kind of free ( yes john mayer but shove it… ) I’m making the rule at least 5 months of being single. and after those 5 months, I am going to assess my situation, and my mental ability to think rationally about women.

I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of being the most depressed ass hole in the world. Everyone else is having kids, enjoying life, and working their dream jobs. Maybe I need to get my shit in order before I try and figure the girl thing out. My dad said it best. " you can’t save someone who is drowning if you can’t swim yourself" but my problem is I put others before myself. That IS a problem. because countless times I have felt like nothing I did impressed anyone, or anyone actually cared about it. SO…

Maybe this is the time I find myself… maybe this is the time I get it right? I’ll never know if I don’t try.