09/15/2012

Warrior dash complete. I trained my ass off for this.There has been countless people who I tried to get in my life to come to this and support me. My mother told me she was going to come and she never did. My father almost wanted to come but was too busy with work. Amanda was too ashamed to even try and make things work with me, so she acted like if people seen us together that she would be looked down upon. So I went with my Levels gym family and we had a great time. Just being around all those people almost made me have an anxiety attack. There were over 20,000 regestered to run. each heat had almost 1500 people in it. I won’t lie I was so nervous and stoked all the same. I promised Mary that I would run it with her, yet countless times she told me to just run it myself. She thought she was going to slow me down. Well despite what I was feeling, I decided to push myself and run it as fast as I could. 

It started out with a mile run thru the hills of the camp site it was at. So many people tried to push me out of the way even though there were so many ways to get around everyone. Reguardless we all were trying to find our pace. I was keeping up with Bruce for awhile, when He decided to kick it up a notch and he started to run a lot faster then I wanted. It went that way for a long time until we started to get to the obsticles. It was all very challenging, and I ended up finishing in 35:35. It was a personal benchmark in my life. I got a medal and everything. Finished in the top 9% of my age group.

Amanda and I are almost officially done. She is and has been seeing other men. She doesn’t wanna admit it, but she also never will deny it. I HATE it. but I cannot change the way she feels about my situation.

What is my situation anyway?? do I even have one? all I know is I am miserable.. I drink a lot lately, just to forget about life for the night. I wish there was a way to stay happy for the rest of your life. but sadly… there really isnt. Only if you let it happen I guess.