02/24/2012

I wrote everyone who i thought deserved a note if i would somehow pass today. I suprisingly didn’t cry as much as i thought I would. I wrote about 10 people notes. Each one I told them the truth of how i felt. Each one I said goodbye. It felt good to know that if i passed people would know exactly what i was thinking. That these questions wouldn’t go unanswered. She’s moving on, So why shouldn’t I? However my moving on may be different.

I need to come clean about something.

I used a friend of mine once for personal gain, and just for one night. However, our friendship has never been the same.

I think about killing myself every day. I think about what people would say if i actually pulled the trigger. Would they be sad? would they be relieved? would they feel remorse? would the people who wronged me finally feel the pain I have been bearing all these years? Every selfish thought runs through my mind.

I miss her so much. I miss happiness. IT’s something i haven’t felt in so long, that I cannot remember what it is truly like. I have had this gap in my heart for far too long. Nothing i do fills it. Nothing helps it. It always comes back around to her. I’m too lonely.

SilverNightfall

February 25, 2012

🙁 I can tell you this much, yes people would be very hurt if you did that to yourself, so much pain comes from suicide and it’s not worth it..I’ve tried four times and I should be dead and I was angry that I never died for a long time, but things change in life and it gets better..it’s hard but u have to keep going. Congrats on your weight loss and starting school, maybe once you start school you will start to feel better, I know it is helping me a lot even tho it’s challenging. Sometimes, I still get real down and I contemplate taking my own life, but I made myself a promise to never give up again and so I don’t…I hope you too can make that promise and want to make it! And thank you for your encouraging words, glad you remembered me! *Huge HUGS*, I’ll be thinking of ya friend. Stay strong!

Gurly239

February 27, 2012

Dude, as if I didn’t get a note! Or did you mean you wrote them but didn’t send them out? I hope that this dark time passes quickly, because you have a nice smile. And friends forgive…

March 1, 2012

Yeah I think when you are a teen you can lose weight a lot easier then when you are in your 20s…maybe I’m wrong but weight loss was easier for me in High School as well. *Sigh*…I know I have to really want to get better…not too sure if that’s completely in my heart, which should be, I dunno. Hope you’re having a good week!