Not The Same

usually roger calls my cell phone and wakes me up. that didn’t happen this morning. i ended up sleeping until 12:45. i slept like shit, but i expected that to happen after last night. i did feel good this morning though becuz as soon as woke up i got on the net and he had sent me a message on MSN telling me he was running to the auto store to pick a couple thing up and he’ll be back later….i love you….bye.

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that made me feel kinda good. him and i havent talked on the phone, but we have talked a couple times on our messenger. that makes me happy too. i asked him if he has told his mother yet…he said no and he wasn’t going to. I dunno why he’s not telling her, but thats his business. he did tell me he has told his grandmother. i asked what she had to say and i quote him :

“ she said this could be a bad thing…she just said not to throw you around…she is taking your side…i assume she’s telling me to figure out what i need, get it, and straightened out and be happy ” 

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this is a very positive thing for me. i’ve always felt like she didn’t like me for some reason, but just those little

comments have gave me some hope. he’s not going to tell his best friend either becuz he knows what dan will say. THANK GOD….IT’S ABOUT TIME ROGER!!! *pouts* some best friend. It sucks though becuz everytime dan sees me i’m in a bad mood or i’m not having the best day. oh well, hopefully he wont be roger’s deciding factor.

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i havent told anyone. i think my dad knows somethings up, but cant put his finger on it. i’ve stayed in my room all day. i’ve left once to go to the bathroom. i’m in my little cave. my secure cave where nothing can happen to me. i dont want to put myself out there right now. i’ve been watching tv, america’s next top model, and out of nowhere i’ll start to get very upset and just turn over and snuggle against my wall and cry. he makes me feel good still….he still tells me he loves me!! and i know he still does. no doubt about that. i hope he realizes just how much he loves me though through this week.

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he said our separation was for a week starting today….sunday to sunday…..wednesday is our 1 year and 5 month anniversary. congrats to us, huh? i mentioned that to him today on the net and he just said OoOo. almost like an OoOo well. what can a girl do but sit and wait for her lover her best friend her everything to call her and want her back….

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i’m hanging in here. barely, but i’m still here.