I gave you everything to die with a smile..

All you wanted was to live for awhile. You took everything but it left you empty.. Now you can’t replace me.. You can’t..

I have been off for the past four days so returning to work today is going to kill me. I hate when they give me long weekends. I would rather have my day off in the middle of a week… Hell even a Tues or Thursday. I hate working 4- 10’s in a row. It just absolutely kills me. We are so busy and understaffed anymore. It isn’t fair. And now being diagnosed with ADD.. Everything starts to make even more sense and scare me more about going to work. I am just sick of feeling this way. I don’t know.

I have decided already to put the distance back between D and I. It is just overwhelming, and while I would love to rebuild the friendship it is just too much for me right now. It still hurts. I still wonder who he is laying next to.. sharing all of his favorite music with. Because it isn’t me. I am def letting go but it is taking some time. I think taking more time to myself with help. I want to cut all ties with him romantically, because I deserve so much more. I know my soulmate is coming and I know he will be worth the wait. And I am more than excited to even have those thoughts. I sit and think of all of the things that he and I will do and share together. It def gives me something to look forward to.

I am day 4 of my Phentermine. I may have misspelled that. My doctor put me on it because I struggle with binge eating. And I have been really trying to turn my life around. I have lost 35 pounds since June so far.. But I was getting back into the struggle of eating and not being able to stop.. or even remember eating most times because I ate it so quickly and so much of it. It is disgusting and I just want to feel better. I have also been dealing with severe fatigue and no motivation. It is so hard to find something to kill this depression because like I said in an earlier post my body just doesn’t accept hardly any medications. But so far this medicine has helped me with my appetite and my energy. I still eat but I have the clear mind set to eat healthier and not over indulge.

Well, I best go get ready for work here. I hope everyone is happy and well. Remember to Smile  (I will try as well)