Oh and it makes me wonder

Been up since like two fucking AM. Hard to find things to do. Nouns, it’s always difficult to find nouns to do, but verbs have been challenged as well, other ones besides doing which I seemed to have failed at. When this foolishness is over I will have done something. Wrote an entry, heh. Ok, put a bunch of words together in a row.

 

My crazy ex contacted me. Maybe it’s my fault. I was playing with YouTube and a song came up, not ‘Our Song’ more like a novelty, Tom Waits, Filipino Box Spring Hog. I wrote her on Facebook with sincere intro of how we forget the most important as we rush headlong to our death and to never forget that;

You gotta slap that hog

Roll ‘im over twice

Baste ‘im with a sweeping broom.

 

Two days later I get texts and then a call. After the second pause she asks if she can ask a favor, and I calmly weigh out my options; 1) No you killed my dog you bitch, or 2) see what unmitigated audacity she might genuinely have. I went with number 2 and said something like ‘shoot’. It took more than an hour of her ‘splaining, and another half hour for me to pin down what she wanted.

 

In maybe a minute of typing; Her sister and one niece are saying she did something she didn’t. She wanted me to write an email to said sister and niece basically saying Not true nah nah only in my diplomatic font. Oh, and the tail end, ‘What do you want if the letter is a success, G and A back in your lives? No, that the truth is revealed, all I ever want is the truth.

 

The fuck. The GF has been sending me YouTube videos of dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder. Her problem is much closer than mine, but fuck, I have no idea why my hour and a half got eaten up, other than she wanted me involved with her somehow. I think she forgets how much she fucked everyone over six years ago. ‘The Truth’ is not going to set her free. The truth from here on out will only make restitution if she lives to 112.

 

I did this visit for a friend some 25 years ago when I was with the State. Took this ADHD six-year-old to a visit his dad who was doing a dime in the federal pen. For the most part he was behaved for a half hour. Then he gave this kid the most depressing cartoon of the little match girl, explained it and then gave him a ball. The kid was running around the small gym (only space they had for us I guess) as the guy was trying to convince me to give him custody. The kid was yelling (ADHD) and the dad asked him to stop three times. He didn’t. The dad grabbed the kid and spanked him, hard and quick. I gathered up the kid and his belongings. The Dad said “I want my kids to associate bad behavior with …” and he paused, just about anything would have been better than “…Pain.”

During the trial he was on speaker phone from the jail. He answered a question or two and then said I had fucked everything up and if he didn’t get his kid he was going to kill me. The fuck. My point is people who start off fucked up don’t get unfucked. I’m not talking about dude’s interstate drug smuggling with a weapon, or the various nights the ex spent in jail. I’m talking about how they think, like you win if you outsmart the other one, and if you don’t they cheated. Hmmmm, my examples don’t reflect that moral of the tale(s) but it’s true. On a rational level they both start off with a hidden agenda and try to sweep you along.

 

Christ if I had been twenty years younger I’d take it personally (that’s not so young with the ex, it would have been like twelve with the felon.). Crazy no longer befuddles me, though I’m still caught off guard at times. I mean sometimes you’re in a nice boring conversation and the guy or lady says “Yes, and humid too. It’s alien abduction weather.” And yeah, I don’t know, maybe aliens with anal fetishes do abduct and probe, and, except for Scully, most of them have ample ass, but I’m pretty sure that aliens cruising for earth ass don’t care what sort of weather is happening locally. Even when the crazy is half rational, batting .500 is half crazy. Full crazy you have to go visit in the full crazy place, or, you know, be summoned to the penthouse or white house. Reagan was full crazy for at least his second term. Nobody noticed. When he said ‘I don’t recall’ during the Iran-Contra hearings, nobody doubted it for a minute. If he had pled the fifth, however … no more Teflon. Just saying. We managed to live through the Reagan years, those of us born before 1980.

 

When crazy starts I sing tunes in my head, sometimes incorporating crazy into the lyrics, if, given the above example was to Stairway to heaven;

There’s a lady who knows

If she opens her hole

There’s an alien dying to probe her

… Oh, and it makes me wonder…

There’s a feeling of high

When she looks to the sky

For whirring and buzzing and bright lights …

In my thoughts I have seen

Lines of crystal methadrine

And the green men who stand watching …

 

Shit, sorry, got carried away. My crazy songs are to drown out crazy. My dog songs were much more inspired, but after they realized I was just making noise and the word taco or treat wasn’t coming, they’d circle three times and lie down. Ok, It’s still an obscene hour of the morning. Have a nice day y’all on EST. Y’all on PST? Go back to sleep.