being a mommy

um.. there are so many things in my head right now. Working, sleeping, friends, family, men, and a fear of becoming a first time mommy.

Im 19 and im going to be a single mother. Well, as far as i know. If you read “Benjamin” then you’ll understand what im talking about. There are so many things im afraid of. Will i make all the right descisions. Will, i know the best thing to do for my child. Will, i be able to handel labor (ahhh) Im so scared. Yea, im working to save up money for my baby and to pay some bills. Im living at home with my parents, because i think its the best enviroment for me and my baby to live in. They are all loving people and thats what i want in my childs life. I have to look for all these things. Eat whats right, drink whats right. Not put my self in bad situations. Its hard. Theres times where i want to just cut loose, but i care to much for this baby that i will do anything i have to, to make sure it’s healthy and happy. I have a few friends that have kids already and they arent doing to bad. But, all i want is my child to be happy and have a good enviroment to grow up in.

Well, things are still steering around this little head of mine. I just recently felt the baby move in side of me. Its the greatest feeling. Some times i just lay in bed at night and rub my belly and talk to my baby. I hope that when he/she is born it will bond with me, because i already love he/she so much.