Seven Sins: Part 4 – On Gluttony (BSG fanfic)
Every night, Leoben cooks me dinner. He hums as he puts the meat into the oven. Sings off-key as he drops vegetables in the pot. Sometimes he bakes. The smells waft towards me, and my stomach growls. His baking reminds me of Aunt Giulia, when she came to my mother’s house and made us cookies. At those times, my mother pretended to be kind, and I pretended to be obedient. Leoben’s baking brings tears to my eyes. He looks over the oven and gives me a lover’s smile. I hide the knife. If I am lucky, I’ll be able to kill him before dessert.
At the dining room table, he places the plate in front of me and says, “I love you, Kara Thrace.”
We are a parody of a domestic bliss I’ve never had, never understood, and only briefly wanted.
Whenever Leoben tries to fuck me, I kill him. I’ve killed him three times. Once with the dinner knife. Once with the lamp. Once with the bedsheets. He always comes back, but after the third death, he keeps his dick to himself.
Sometimes at night, when I cry, he holds me. He doesn’t speak. I crave the touch so strongly, I can’t even want to kill him, and that makes me hate myself even more.
When he brings the child, I’m certain he has broken me. There is an emotion purer than hate. Stronger than fear. More certain than love. I don’t have a name for it, but I feel it; I am lost.
That night, Leoben bakes. The child smiles and claps her hands. I feed her cookies. I make her eat them until she cries and throws up all over the table.
“Isn’t that a bit much, Kara,” Leoben says, rubbing the crying child’s shoulder, his tone a parody of understanding.
“I just want her to be happy,” I say.
The child sobs and hugs Leoben’s stomach. I pull her away. She squirms, but I can’t let her go.
At bedtime, the child and I climb the stairs. Through the halo of her blond hair, I stare at the bars of our cage. I sing dirty limerics until she falls asleep in my arms. The music of her snores lulls me to sleep. Sometimes before dawn, Leoben joins us. I wake in his warm embrace and whisper Lee’s name.
“I love you, Kara Thrace." His fingers brush hair from my forehead. I sleep.
The next afternoon, the child breaks her arm. The doctors set it, and I hold her hand.. Leoben stands over us. We are a family.
**
I started this fanfic series of vignettes four years ago, and tonight, drunk on the train from Nagoya, something motivated me to write the next section. I have no idea if I’ll ever finish this series, or if I should, but if you are interested in seeing the earlier sections, the links are below.
Earlier Sections:
"Part 1: On Lies" & "Part 2: On Pride": http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2936351/1/Seven_Sins
"Part 3: On Lust": http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A490512&entry=10347&mode=