Another Letter For Someday

Could you still like me when I’m like this?  Could you still look at me the same way if you had been sitting next to me in my car tonight when i was driving down backroads screaming to familiar lyrics as if I was bearly sixteen and dad had just given me the car for the first time?  Could you stand me when I’m angry….could you be there when I’m crouched in a corner ready to cry never feeling more hopeless and scared?

Last night I almost felt sick to my stomach and my fingers shook as I tryed to tell you things.  A week ago we held hands over a bridge and had this conversation about what it was we saw in the other person.  I told you that I just can’t see the things in other people that I see in you.  Creativity, compassion, all wrapped in this genuine humbleness that seems too good to be true…but now you are running scared because being that close might not have seemed like I was being genuine…just too much too fast; I can see why that might be problematic.

Thankyou for letting me clarify my feelings, letting me clarify my motives, hopefully taking steps to showing you the real me.  I told you that I didn’t drive over two hours to see someone that I might be interested in…I hope you know what I mean.  Maybe the closeness was premature, but if it seemed “familiar” to me, it was because I have dreamed about holding you close like I did that night; something I had seen so many times in my day dreams that it was a wish comming true right in front of me.

My hands kept shaking, a couple times I thought I was going to tear up…I told you that I have been battling with this fear…I can’t shake the idea that somehow I am going to disappoint you, that somehow I’m going to drive you off or lose you and it will be my fault…robbed of your company forever.  I have no idea why I am so afraid, but I am none the less.

Here are some of our words…well mostly mine…I meant everything I said

ME- “i might not know you as well as you would like me to, fair enough, what i do know is i am not a casual dater, i have bearly dated at all, and i know the kind of person that i want to be with, and by be with i mean someone to be with forever…i am tired of wasting time and heartache on girls that are not those girls, if i am going to be hurt or end up with someone….its going to be someone like you”

 

ME- but i didn’t drive 2 hours to see someone that i might be interested in

ME- i…have been living with this fear since we talked about meeting up

 and i am so afraid to disappoint you

ME- i am terrified that some how i am going to let you down

 and its going to be my fault

ME- i have no idea why, but i am scared to death to hurt you

 

YOU- thinking?

YOU- what r u…

ME- my fingers are shaky

YOU- aw why?

ME- you just don’t see it do you

ME- that’s what makes you so great

ME- you’re precious….and you don’t even know it

 

Peace and Love

Mikey