Not Easier

I don’t want it to be 8 days since your death. I want to rewind. I want to write about something else other than my grief. I don’t want to forget your voice. I love you. I’ve always loved you. And you are gone. You died. And each day that passes means that yes this is real and no this isn’t a dream.

You aren’t here. You died. You left. You aren’t in pain anymore. But I miss you. So very much. I want you back. But I don’t want you reincarnated yet. So this struggle is so very hard. Because I ache for this hole to be filled. But I don’t want you to come back to this planet because nothing has changed. Everything you hated about this place 9 days ago I still present. So stay away. But damn if I don’t want to touch your face again.

I hate grief. I hate these feelings. I hate that you are gone. But I hope you are getting answers. I hope your freedom is amazing. And I hope you know how loved you are.