The 20th
Dawn of 20th, he blocked me. I’m not really sure if he did, but all signs of being blocked was there. I know I’m crazy for sending him an SMS, which actually costs more than usual because he’s from the other side of the world. I was even crazier when I tried to ring his number. I was actually not expecting that it would work. Because the first few attempts weren’t successful. I thought he changed his number. But he didn’t. I was scared of what he might think, that I’m desperate or what. It was really a stupid move. I sent him another SMS, because I’m still blocked in his Whatsapp, and told him not to worry coz that would be last. Also, my heart was shattered when I saw his new post on IG. Although I don’t follow him on IG, I just found a way to check on his posts. And guess what, he posted a picture with his ex… or maybe they never had that breakup after all.
Now, I’m wondering. How could I fall for someone so quickly? Why did I even trust him or believed in him when I met him online which could be a world pretty full of lies? Why am I the only one feeling this way? He’s still living his life, and here I am still asking myself why?
Why all this happened to me? Why I made myself vulnerable when I know I can’t handle too much pain? Why did he even came to my life? And why the hell am I still hoping he’ll want to see me soon?
Oh, God! I know this is petty to ask, but please take this pain away. It’s making me feel stupid. Please. 😢😭
I have found something that takes the sting away when I am in a situation that hurts or I don’t understand the ‘why’s’, or I just feel completely shattered and scattered inside …. I ask out loud ……..
What is good about this that I’m not getting?
I don’t search for an answer, or wait for one to miraculously come to me and make it all better, but by asking that question, I am telling the Universe that no matter what challenges come before me, I Know there is something good, and that I’m just too upset to see the good at that moment.
Life challenges are put before us to learn and grow, and the painful challenges even moreso as shitty as that sounds.
Again, focus on you … put all your effort into self-care and nurturing the lovely woman that you are.
@teamarea You know I always do these silent screams when I no longer understand the situation I’m in. And I also do believe that there is always something good in everything. It’s just that right now, I don’t see any answers to my questions yet. Or maybe like you said, I am also upset to see the good at this moment. My heart still wants to cry. My head couldn’t stop thinking. I want answers but I don’t get them. Then I ask myself again, is it better for those questions to be left unanswered? As much as I want to focus on myself, when I’m alone, I couldn’t help but think of those questions again.
Anyway, thanks for your note. Wherever this experience may lead me, I know there’s a good purpose behind it.
Warning Comment
Ugh, what a dick. Sorry going to be honest here. With everything you have written, this guy sounds like a ass. To be honest, you can do so much better.
It’s going to hurt for awhile.
BUT, you will make it out of this much stronger then before you met him.
Find yourself, focus on you.
I have faith in you!
Keep writing!
@hrhkingofice I will keep writing until it hurts no more. It is my only way to let out all the sad thoughts in my head. Thanks!
Warning Comment
I’m sorry 🙁 You’re not stupid. You will heal. Focus on making yourself happy, do the things you love, and keep your heart open. Not every guy is going to be like him.
@soldis Thanks! I just hope that the next guy will not be like him. 😔
Warning Comment
You are not stupid, you have a big heart and believed and trusted in someone who you had a connection with and cared for. Don’t beat yourself up too much and question yourself on that relationship. I know it’s hard, just take sometime to yourself. There is someone better out there for you. Delete his number and his messages and block him, because the last thing you need is him contacting you back.
@sweetie04 I tried to delete his number and delete his messages. But I can’t block him, and I can’t make myself delete contact history. So yeah, I still got his number. We still text sometimes. But I feel better now, since I get to text with someone else. And he’s nice with no expectations of getting into a relationship, and always a good chat with him. 🙂
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