Just a Shell of a Man I Use to Be

Oh how am I loathing life at this point. I dread it with just another year looming ahead that may just hold more bad than good. My shoulder is in misery from the job. Janurary 9 I will find out if surgery is once again needed. No money coming in from the fickle workmans comp. Again I am distraught as I cant even take my son to McD’s for lunch. I use to have it all together. I use to be more than this. I had things under control. I had a well paying job. Manufacturing. Only line in existence in America. Where do you go with that? Finally found a new job. Yes another line first in America. Def had to leave that one. No care for anyones health. Too much ahead in hopes for things. And I was tired of drowning in the chemicals. Back to where everything started now. The grocery store. The injury. Out of work. Now no money at all. I feel so worthless right now. There seem to be no goals. There seems to be nothing of interest to me here in this world.

I feel so dead inside rigt now. Where will this new year turn? I am afraid…very afraid. I am ready to move on..move forward but I seem stuck inside this box of mine. No good job..no prestige. Am I slowly trapped in a downward spiral of life now?  Opening up isnt me..its taken me 2 hours to write just this. I prefer my encoded poems ofvast articulation and mind bending teasing to this open foray of my life. I prefer a face not a screen.