Two Hours

Two hours until I’m 22.  A little over five hours since I finished the FAR section of the CPA exam.  One hour since I started drinking.  I’ve been meaning to write for ages because my emotions have gotten the better of me but I’ve been tres busy.  I moved into my apt 2 weeks ago.  In that time I’ve become extremely lonely.  I would go to work MWF and come home at 5 and have NOTHING to do.  NO people to talk to or see.  Tues-Thurs all I had was CPA class 6-10.  I know this is temporary until I start my permanent job.  I finished my summer job on Friday.  But I was so overwhelmed with loneliness.  And it pissed me off.

Until two days ago I didn’t have any plans for my birthday.  It seems many people have forgotten about it.  I am, however, going to dave and buster’s for lunch and then sister is coming over for dinner and sleeping over so we’re going to have an HBO marathon.

The CPA exam was…interesting.  I finished extremely early.  It was hard.  Very hard.  As I expected.  I like to think I didn’t fail but it’s highly possible I did.  I"m not sure how I will be at coming to terms with that.

My neighbors that live below and to the right of me are really nice.  The wife has given me 2 bouquets of flowers she has received but can’t have because she is allergic.

I hate having a defeatist attitude.  But lately it has taken so much strength not to be down about how lonely it is here.  And to have studied for the exam on top of that has been more than draining.

I’ve only had 2 drinks.  I’m not going to get drunk.  But I should have been out at a bar drinking in celebration of the exam being over and my birthday being in 2 hours.  Since I can’t be, I’m at least going to have a couple drinks on my own.

Too many bad emotions lately.  I refuse to give in to the depression but it’s there taunting me lately.  I hope things change soon.

~Dora