definations!

Cigarette:
     A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at
the other.

Love affair: 
     Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five-day test.

 
Marriage: 
     It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master.

Divorce:
     Future tense of marriage.

Lecture:
     An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to
the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Conference:
     The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:
     The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he
got the biggest piece.

Tears:
     The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by
feminine waterpower…

Dictionary:
     A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room:
     A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees
later on.

Ecstasy:
     A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.

Classic:
     A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:
     A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:
     A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
     The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc:
     A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
     Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.

Experience:
     The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
     An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:
     A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat:
     A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:
     A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist:
     A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am
not injured yet.

Pessimist:
     A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the
first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser:
     A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:
     A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:
     A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

Boss:
     Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician:
     One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor:
     A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.