Superheroes *Edit*

My heart aches in my chest.  I have things of a positive nature to share, but at the moment they are eclipsed by something else.  I do not like coming here to report only pain.  Somehow, though, it doesn’t seem right to intermix the  comical with the heart-wrenching.  

Delaney is hanging on, and fighting as only she can.  She went into the ICU last week, before Thanksgiving.  It has been at least two weeks since she has been able to talk, something that frustrates her to no end.  It has been longer since she was able to hold crayons to color, something she always loved to do.  On Friday they brought her home from the ICU, with the help of Hospice.  They were told it would only be a matter of hours.  Laney has been holding on since then.  Each day they expect to be her last, each breath could be her last.  She has not been conscious, or even really responsive since Friday.  She fights to breathe, past collapsed lungs and ever increasing fluid.  The way her mother put it was that her body and her Will were not in agreement. 

We went to visit her today.  It wasn’t bad while we were there, or even after.  It wasn’t bad as long as the kids were there, and I was busy.  I realized later that I was looking for things to do that would occupy my body and at least partially my mind.  Its an old coping mechanism, push my body to the point of utter exhaustion so I don’t have to think, so I can’t think.

The hardest part for me is how hard she is fighting.  She isn’t ready to go.  Her body is failing her, and she is keeping herself alive by will and desire alone.  Even when we were there, she fought for every breath.  Her lips were blue, and her hands were cold, but she kept fighting.  It seems so horrifically unfair that this little girl, with so much fight and so much spirit should be taken. 

How many times did I seek death?  How many times did I belittle its preciousness and beseech every possible deity to take me now?  And yet I live.  I live, when a little girl who wants nothing more to live, and has never underestimated the value of life, who has never done anything but live as much and as fully and as completely as she can fades.  She fights, and she fights, and the odds seem to be stacked against her.  

It has been a hard day, and I know that there are many more to follow. 

As hard as it has been for those of us who teach Delaney, it has been even harder for her family.   They are the ones who have spent the last four days watching her struggle and fight.  Wondering if this breath will be the last, or if this one will be.   I do not remember if I have mentioned this here or not, but her stepfather was also recently diagnosed with cancer.  The doctors feel that his prognosis is favorable for a complete recovery, but.. it just doesn’t seem fair.  He starts chemo and radiation soon.

I promise to update again soon, with anecdotes pertaining to my young relations.  I just, don’t have it in me at the moment.

*Edit* 

Delaney passed away this morning (Tuesday) at 8:30. 

This has been one of the hardest days I can remember.