Saturday after Thanksgiving

Alice took the kids to the Dollar Dealz or whatever to shop for their presents.  I await the call from my ex to take her and him to get a dryer from my used ones stored at my father-in-laws old laundry. 
Holidays have always been a little weird for me.  Maybe too much time to think.  I keep thinking that someday a light will pop on in my head and everything will make sense.  I’m still waiting.   My mother is now mostly blind and deaf.  She has almost lost the ability to use her phone and seems to be going crazy little by little.
I was called this week from the nursing home and told she was found in her room completely undressed and refused to put her clothes on saying that she would burn in hell if she put them on.
Her father was a very strict religious man and I sometimes wonder what it was like growing up for her.  One of eight living children who all grew up very poor.
I was something of a man on a mission for the first 10 years of my daughters life trying to keep a promise I made to someone special that I would protect her unlike I had been able to protect her.  Now as she begins to come into her own I begin to wonder what to do with the rest of my life. 
I look back at the past 8 or 9 years and am amazed at it all and how it seems like a dream and how it has all flown by so quickly.
Where do I go from here?  BM.