one more day

I have one more day to go, one more day before I’m free from that place. I would much rather have walked out on my own, having scored an amazing job, but I’m happy to be going either way. The fact is that, had I not been fired due to selective memory or petty political bullshit, I very well may have been fired for finally standing up and screaming what I think of everyone at the top of my lungs.

When I first started there, two people were leaving, and were very, very open with their opinions of the place, even though they kept saying, "Sorry, you shouldn’t be hearing all of this complaining when you first start a job." Less than a year later, I was the person trying desperately to keep my mouth shut when someone new started.

I spent the first six months there struggling to learn the job without proper training (does any company train properly anymore? I really wonder), and then I spent the last seven months just completely over it. Just trying not to turn into a ball of quivering, glaring resentment. Since early May, I have not been entirely successful at keeping my quivering, glaring resentment to myself.

For the past two weeks, I have been see-sawing between excitement at what comes next and seething anger at what came before. Lately I’ve been spending longer and longer on the side of excitement. But now, at the end, I seem stuck on anger.

I have a day of filing to do, a lunch that I was commanded to attend in the middle. I know that people are going to want to talk about their feelings, they’re going to want me to share mine. I’m not going to. I’m going to keep a stoic face, and at the end of the day I’m going to walk out of there feeling excited about my long weekend, and rest. And then I’m sure that this festering, draining, resentful anger will fade away.