movie making, writing, endings.

I am currently writing a movie. It’s a musical, but the music is not my own, i’ve just been arranging old songs from one of my favourite bands as a kid. It’s fun and we start recording the soundtrack in May, and hopefully filming by then too.

I’m also trying to wrote a play, some songs, and another musical, none of which i seem to be doing with any deadline or feeling of urgency.

I’m involved in a show here in a couple of weeks, i know i have work throughout the year and indeed into next year with gigs and filming work, and yet i have a strange sensation lingering over me that there’s nothing beyond a month or two from now. I may have been watching too many films, and maybe because the play in my head is about death, but it feels like there’s a blackness coming.

Now don’t misunderstand me, i’m not one of those negative people with a black cloud over my head. I was once, a million lifetimes ago back in school, and even then it was only the image i portrayed to those i wasn’t close to. But i have this unusual lack of optimism about what follows. 

Normally i set little goals, i have little deadlines, things to look forward to. The next show, the next gig, the next big deadline, etc. But since the last event passed (after much anticipation and an excellent reception on the night but no major fireworks) i haven’t been able to pick up the knuckles i seem to be dragging on the floor. Yet i essentially feel exactly as i always do, except that i don’t know exactly what i’m doing next. Perhaps it’s a lack of belief.

I would like once again to reiterate that i am not currently depressed or down in any way, and that the tone of this is merely reflective and lacklustre, and quite, quite far from blue.

I think i should get stuck into the writing, maybe an ending to a piece about endings will give me renewed sense of beginning.

But anyway, stranger who i love, how are you?