The girl with the flower tattoo….cont.

So where were we?  Ah yes, I was living in Evansville, IN with my son and husband (now ex-husband) and Stacey was also living there.  Let’s continue with Stacey….

So Stacey and Brian the asshole had broken up, and her moods were, at the best, unpredictable.  She might hug you or tear you a new one….you just never knew from one minute to the next.  I know she was partying….a lot!  She was managing to hold down a good job, though, and she also went back to college.  After she finished her college courses she applied for and got a fantastic, very well-paying job for Roadway.  It required her to move to Fort Wayne Indiana, which she was fine with.  She packed up and moved north and started her new job.  She got a great apartment, and she seemed really happy.  She made phenomenal money, constantly received awards, and really seemed to be on her way with the company. 

She did have one episode during this time.  Apparently one night she was feeling suicidal and went to the ER and told them, as her doctor had instructed her to, so they would give her some meds.  Well, they did more than that….they involuntarily admitted her for 72 hours.  My dad and Pam drove to Fort Wayne immediately.  They sat with her in her doctor’s office, where he told my sister, in no uncertain terms, "Stacey, you CAN NOT drink!  Your medication is useless if you’re going to drink and do drugs, you HAVE TO STOP!"  Of course, she said she would….she promised.  Pam told me later that while they were staying at my sister’s apartment while she was still in the hospital, they found loads and loads of clothes in her closet with the tags still on them, and four complete sets of pots and pans in her kitchen!  And this girl never cooked!  What on earth did she need FOUR complete sets of pots and pans for?  All of this HUGE flashing signs that her bipolar disorder was so NOT being controlled.

Then one day out of the blue she calls me and tells me she’s thinking about taking a job managing a bar.  Um, okay….why?  What I got from her was that her boss at Roadway was an ass, was verbally abusive, and bordered on harassing her.  My suggestion was for her to take it to his higher-up because he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with that kind of behavior.  She kinda hemmed and hawed over that, but in the end she quit Roadway and took the job managing the bar.  What I later found out was that she had had an affair with her MARRIED boss, and when she decided she didn’t wanna continue it, he didn’t take that too kindly and started making life at the company miserable for her.  Did I feel sorry for her?  Hell no!  She had a GREAT job, making GREAT money, and could’ve had a GREAT career with a very well-respected company, and in my opinion, she’s the one who fucked it up by sleeping with her married boss.  All I kept thinking was…..what in the HELL was she thinking???  She sued the company for harassment, if you can believe that.  Of course the boss denied the whole affair thing, and she ended up settling for something like $12,000. 

So she worked managing the bar for a while.  I saw her at Thanksgiving that year and she looked…..well, have you ever heard the expression "rode hard and put away wet"?  That’s what she looked like.  She looked like shit, to be bluntly honest.  She was skinny as a rail, had a constant hacking cough, and here’s the topper….while she and I were driving to the Thanksgiving get-together, following our dad and stepmom and my son J in my dad’s car, she was smoking weed the entire time.  I was pretty disgusted.  And while we were at the Thanksgiving get-together, which was at one of our stepmom’s relatives’ house in Indiana, she stretched out on one of the couches and went to sleep.  I was embarassed by her and for her. 

The day finally came when she decided she couldn’t work at the bar anymore….too many hours and not enough sleep (combined with all the drinking and pot-smoking she was going) were really taking a toll.  She decided she wanted to move to Arizona to be near our mom.  So my dad drove to Fort Wayne, helped her pack as much of her stuff up as she could get in his Yukon, and drove her all the way down to Arizona.  She basically sold everything she had in Fort Wayne except for her clothes.  She went from having everything to nothing.  She did that many, many times.

Arizona…..home of the hot and sunny.  Mom reports Stacey’s doing very well….that being in the sunshine really seems to have helped, and maybe she just has that seasonal affective disorder.  Okay mom….I guess you know more than the doctors do.  Little did mom know that in all the photographs Stacey e-mailed me, in 90% of them she had a drink in her hand.  Fabulous!  She got a job with ABF, another trucking company, and, once again, seemed deliriously happy.  She met a guy, I don’t remember his name, and was madly in love and swore she was going to marry him.  After that I didn’t hear from her much.  See, here’s how Stacey worked when it came to me…..when she had friends and was having a grand ol’ time, I never heard from her.  But, when she was depressed and lonely and/or needed something, my phone started ringing off the hook. 

Eventually the relationship she had with the guy she said she was gonna marry ended.  Turns out, he and his dad had…you’re not gonna believe this….murdered someone several years ago, and he stupidly told my sister about it.  She dumped him and called the FBI.  They came and talked to her and everything.  It was…..well, it was scary and bizarre!  That’s stuff you only read about, you know? 

When my birthday rolled around that year my mom bought me a plane ticket to come spend a long weekend.  I had never been to Arizona before and I missed my mom, so I was excited!  J stayed with my dad and Pam (by this time Jason and I were divorced and J and I had moved back to Illinois, where I had found a job as a legal secretary and was getting back on my feet with the help of my dad and stepmom) while I was gone.  Stacey INSISTED that we were going out for my birthday.  I didn’t want to….I really didn’t.  I would have been happy sitting at home with my mom and stepdad and going out to dinner.  I am not a club/bar person….never really have been.  But mom told me I should go…."Your sister really wants to spend your birthday with you."  Okay, fine….I’ll go.  I told Stacey I needed to go shopping for a top to wear.  Sure, we’ll go to the mall!  We did, and we spent the entire time shopping for clothes for her to wear.  I had to make do with clothes I had brought with me.  We went to a couple of clubs that night, where she got, of course, drunk off her ass.  I was never so happy to get back to her apartment, which was in the wee hours of the morning, and go to bed.  Not my best birthday by a long shot. 

I told Stacey that the day befor

e I left mom and Tom (stepdad) were going to take me to Sedona and did she want to come with?  No, she didn’t, and she didn’t want us to go either…she wanted us to do what SHE wanted to do, and she pretty much threw a hissy fit about it.  I almost gave in to her before Tom set me straight and told me this was MY weekend, and we were going to do what *I* wanted, and I wanted to go to Sedona!  We did, without Stacey, and oh, it is a stunningly gorgeous place!  Breathtaking….seriously.  I loved it!  We went to lots of little shops where I bought trinkets and such….it was really a wonderful day.  On the way home the three of us got into a discussion about Stacey.  Basically, Tom was fed up with the way Stacey yanked everyone’s chain all the time and acted like such a selfish brat.  Mom stayed quiet, then later, when she and I were alone, she started defending Stacey to me.  Story of my life.  The year my sister lived in Arizona, my mother had to start taking antidepressants.  Now, does that tell you anything?  It’s like Pam said to me once….Stacey is an emotional vampire….she completely sucks you dry until there’s nothing left of you, if you let her.  And she did quite a job on our mother while she was in Arizona. 

She lasted in Arizona for about a year, then decided she wanted to come back to Illinois…..she was sick of the constant sunshine.  Before she moved up to Illinois for good, she flew up for a visit and stayed with me.  I had an adorable little two-bedroom condo just around the corner from where my dad and Pam lived and J and I loved it.  During this time I was dating T, who is now my husband.  Stacey flew in on a Thursday and on Friday, while I was at work, T called me at work and asked if I wanted to go to dinner that night.  I called my sister and said "Hey, you wanna spend some quality time with your nephew tonight?"  I swear on my son’s head, I asked it in a very light, friendly tone.  She chewed my ass out but good!  Told me she wasn’t there to babysit, and why didn’t I just come out and ask her to "babysit" instead of putting it the way I did…was I trying to make her feel like shit for not spending time with J?  I was literally stunned speechless.  Needless to say, she definitely didn’t babysit that night.  I had to all my dad and Pam and ask them to watch J for me while T and I went to dinner. 

She flew back to Arizona after a few days, then maybe a month or so later moved back to Illinois.  She already had an apartment lined up, thank GOD!  She got a job with USB, yet another trucking company, and resumed her life of working, going out and drinking, and still smoking weed.  Most of the time I didn’t hear from her….and I was grateful, seriously.  But anytime she needed something she was quick to dial my digits.  "Bring me a plunger" "I need hairspray," etc., etc.  And yes, I did her bidding.  Sad, I know, but at the time I didn’t know how to set boundaries with my sister.  She always knew how to make me feel guilty, though for what I still don’t know.  Existing?  Maybe…..who knows?

While T and I were still dating I was working at a law firm in downtown Chicago.  There was a young guy who worked there named Tim.  He was much younger than me and was like my little brother.  We would have lunch together and take smoke breaks together.  I adored him….he was such a sweetheart and such a cutie.  One day my sister was downtown and wanted to have lunch.  Tim and I had plans to have Thai food, so I told her where to meet us.  I lived to regret that.  Stacey zeroed in on him like a hunter with it’s prey.  She was older than him as well, but neither of them seemed to care about the age difference.  He asked her out, she accepted, and she slept with him on their first date….then called me to tell me all about it.  I was PISSED!  Don’t get me wrong….I had no romantic interest in Tim whatsoever, but damnit, he was my FRIEND!  And now my sister’s fucking him……what would this do to our friendship?  He and I had a talk about it eventually and he assured me that our friendship would stay intact, no matter what.  And you know what?  He meant it, and it did. 

But while he was my sister’s fuck buddy, he also became her pot supplier.  She called me one day in tears…..she’s broke, and she owed Tim money for weed, and she had to pay this bill and this bill……sob sob sob.  I still can’t believe I did this, but I paid Tim the money she owed him for weed.  She swore she’d pay me back, but never did.  No surprise there.  Eventually their relationship ended and I breathed a sigh of relief.  It was just too weird for me.

Stay tuned…..much more to come!