Where i want to be… chess…

Okay then…

I just wanted to cry myself to sleep tonight… but i dont think thats going to happen… sometimes it hurts so much inside that i can even make myself cry… ijust need to let everything go…

in a lot of ways i’ve actually been vocalizing my distasted and everything for what is all going on right now… i’ve been visiably pissed off… which is more than i usually ever do… usually you never would know how pissed off or depressed i am… but never the less, i dont care anymore….

This evening sucked… i hated it… And at the worst part of the evening i just about broke down during Miller’s son… which is my favorite god damn song of that show,…katie cooper is so amazing at that piece… i swear to god my jaw dropped the first time i heard it on designer run… and it still sends goosebumps every time, anyways, too many things happend tonight that i’d rather not talk about … but to top it off, as i’m writing this, willer has jana and some other people over taking shots… what the fuck… not any one i wanted to deal with at all…

alli want to do i get away from all this shit… all of these silly commitments, this bull shit, the problems. and all that…

so i’ve turned to mikes lemonade and BLARING chess at 2am…

Nobody’s on Nobody’s Side!

amen to that.

the more i listen to that song, the more i realize how fucking accurnate it is right now.

damn.

I’m gonna go lay down in bed… maybe eventually go to sleep. I hate this. I need that certain someone to come and save me and let me cry on their shoulder… but that is such an alternate reality…. it won’t happen. and if it did, it would be so fucked up taht i wouldn’t be able to cry on their shoulder and open up…

…un less AL OT of alchol was invovled….