Feeling down again

I had a life I could cope with. That changed. I don’t even know how that happened. It just did. I feel lost. I feel so unneeded and useless. My heart is breaking. I can’t do anything right. I really need someone who can help me. That someone is gone. I’m so angry at him. I’m chaseing him away because he let me down. It’s all because of me. I’m the one with all the pain. I’m the weak one. I no longer wanna fight for myself and my happyness. I want to die. I want to cry but I can’t. It’s inside and I can’t let it out. I feel so fucked up. And I’m the same as him. He’s a positive person. I look only the dark side. Is there something more then it? I don’t see it. I don’t want to. There’s no chance I can. The good side is filled with people who don’t understand. It takes me really alot more to finish something. I’m out of faith. He lives in some other world. The wold of joy. A world full of delusions. It’ll all end. I don’t feel God in me. I feel alone. Finally a tear walks on my face. I hope it will lead to a relief at least for some time.