Past present, present past

It’s been a interesting few weeks… I don’t know that all of it is fit for public consumption, hence a lot of private entries but mostly things are good.

So apparently Pascal and I are back together. It’s been kind of a strange month actually.

We’d only seen each other twice since the break-up in January. Then we started texting a little more regularly on facebook, especially while he was abroad for competitions. I needed to change the dates on the tickets he bought me for Christmas, but couldn’t do it because I needed the original credit card, so he ended coming by so we could do that, and we went out to dinner afterwards. I was in a bit of an odd mood, but it went relatively well. At the end of the evening I asked if we were ok and we chatted a bit about where we were. We agreed that we were having a bit of trouble seeing each other as a friend. It was left at that, but suddenly he started texting me regularly on facebook during the day and a few days later offered for us to meet up for dinner if I was free.

I had plans that evening, but they fell through last minute and I offered for him to come by for dinner as I was making it anyway. From the minute he stepped in, I knew something was going to happen. It was one of those time when the other person seems to be unable to figure out the appropriate distance to maintain and is perpetually too close. We danced around it for a while, but at some point I gave him a hug and everything kind of snowballed from there. I figured it probably didn’t really mean much, but he seemed to be a little more intense than I would have expected, we chatted a bit, but didn’t really go into anything, I figured I’d leave things alone.

After that, he has basically texted me every day. A day or so later he asked if I wanted to meet up to hang out/talk about us/not talk about us. It’s been about two weeks now, we’ve gone over most of our issues, and he seems to be in a different place than back in January. He says that one of his big regrets was that he never let me know that he was actually invested, and that he feels bad that he let me believe that he always had one foot out the door. I’m noticing that he already seems more flexible and open with me. I’ve also been trying to be ultra honest about how I feel and my fears regarding the idea of us getting back together, and it seems to be going well so far. We’be been trying to take things slow, and not put too much pressure on it. We’ve covered the hot topics that I figure would have been the dealbreakers, and so far, everything seems doable. There will definitely be negotiations down the line, but at least the line of communication has been opened. I think I’ve been more honest in the last two weeks with him than I was throughout our entire relationship. Not that I lied, I just didn’t talk. I guess I was always worried about scaring him off, whereas now, I figure it’s the time for him to be scared off, and it’s having the opposite effect strangely.

I haven’t really talked to anyone about it. Two friends know that we slept together, but nothing beyond that… He’s actually already told his family and some of his friends that they might be seeing me again, so sounds like he’s really in this time (apparently his sister’s response was Good!). I’m a little more tentative about telling my friends, they were not thrilled with him after things ended, and I know they will think I’m settling… They’ll be nice and cordial I have no doubt, but it’s going to be awkward for a while. I guess I just want to be sure that things are actually heading in the right direction before I open up that can of worms. Ironically, I’m pretty sure my family will be thrilled.

It’s going to be complicated I know, but right now I’m actually really happy. Things are good, I know it’s probably just a honeymoon phase, but I’ll take it one step at a time and I’ll see. Cautiously optimistic I think would be the proper terms…