Panicing again

It’s far to hot in my room to sleep, so i was just laying on my bed gasping for air ang thinking. My mind wandered to my weekly parently phone call that I had this evening, and how Dad had said he’d got really tired out from having to wash the windows. This led me to think about how my parents are getting kinda old now, and how absolutely terrified i am about them dying, and then i start wondering if they feel frightened about getting older and that it is obviously bringing them closer to death. I never used to have such morbid thoughts, it must be the medical degree that’d done it.

Anyway, that started me to panicing, and then i thought about my own death, and how terrified i am of that, and how then everything will just be over, and how very scared of it all i am. Obviously i’m still young, so it’s unlikely i’ll die soon (although of course not impossible), but it is a fact that at some point an indescernable distance in the future, i will die, and so there is no comfort from that fact.

Anyway, basically all of this has set off another panic attack, so now any hope of sleep has gone, which bodes well for my first day of my new rotation tomorrow. I also think there’s something psychologically worrying about me having these kind of panic attacks over death. I know everyone’s probably scared of it or whatever, but it’s the fact the thoughts have entered my mind so forcefully and now they’ve turned into panic-attack-making recurring thoughts that is concerning.

Oh well, i’m sure if i manage to get to sleep at any point tonight, when i wake up again, i’ll have forgottwn it all anyway.