for what it’s worth

Nothing very exciting and dramatic to report today. I went to gynae cancer clinic this morning and didn’t really learn anything. Then came home and watched Kill Bill 2 and X men 2. I really ought to start doing some work again soon.

I like to always have a DVD on though, partially because the background sound of voices keeps me calm and stops me imagining i can hear footsteps coming up to my room, and partially because it means I dont have time to let my mind dwell on other things.

Like how stupid i was to believe anyone would really love me. He didn’t love me. He used me. All the nice things he said to me were lies. And it really hurts. But I’m going to stop thinking about that again as soon as I’ve started. I know I’m going to have to face it all eventually if I’m going to ever move on and find another boyfriend, but not yet.

I think when it comes to sex, I really am now completely broken.