no more

i broke up with michael this morning.

i just called him crying saying i couldn’t do this anymore. i get physically and mentally sick, and i can’t trust him.

i thought i could settle for a little bit of him.

but no, all or nothing.

i want more.

i want someone who holds my hand in public and says this is my girlfriend.

i want to be the only girl in someone’s life.

i don’t want someone who lies and isn’t trustworthy.

i don’t want to worry when i’m at work that he is with another girl or flirting with another girl on msn.

its just fucking crap.

all of it.

this isnt who i am.

i don’t want to be the girl who snoops on her boyfriends computer and cell phone . i don’t want to be the girl who finds bad stuff on said objects. i don’t want to be the girl who gets so sick she can’t stop throwing up, because of her boyfriend.

i don’t know if the zoloft is working yet, but i do feel a little numb and clear headed.

if i were a character in a book i was reading, i would be someone really disappointing.

he doesn’t make me who i want to be. he used to, back when it was just me and him.

but now, i’m this pathethic mess.

i just want to figure it all out.