12/20/2009

why can’t life be easy for once?

i mean, it was pretty easy when i first met him, but its been a tumultuous four years.

ups and downs.

but i always believed in us.

i don’t know what to think. i try not to think about it.

because i think the worst sometimes.

maybe he’s just basically using me for sex.

maybe we won’t get back together.

maybe he wants all of me but i can’t have all of him.

you know?

he wants me there. he wants me sexually. he wants to have everything we had.

without the commitment? maybe?

i don’t want that.

i don’t want to be stuck like this.

but i am.

because i’m so crazy about him, i settle for what he gives me.

i just keep thinking about how we were going to move out next year.

i look at apartment ads and wish things weren’t the way they are.

i’m stupid.

i’m awkward and obvious and stupid.

right now, all i can do id watch my so-called life and relate to it all.

its just really relatable.

not to my situation but life in general.

and jordan catallano is that typical guy who is just a fucking retard..and doesn’t deserve the girl who is crazy about him.

but thats life.

i wonder what the afterlife holds.