Enthusiasm

I have been working a lot on my thesis. Intellectual work, which means distraction, pleasant distraction, which is always good. I love being surrounded by books and I wish I could spend the rest of my life doing research and writing, but life prefers to bless people like Ely with such opportunities. We will see. Maybe I will be blessed too, once in a lifetime, with the chance to get what I want to. In the end, I never hoped I would get a Bachelor, I never even dreamt of being able to attend University again, and here I am. I graduated on August 24th 2017. I finished my first year of the Master. Things are going ok. So, never complain, the solution of a problem lies within the problem itself.

Another day of loneliness, which is also good. I like being on my own. At least, I can enjoy the company of my demons without being distracted by humans. Do I dislike humans? Maybe, a little. I am myself one, and I dislike my human part. I think the human part of us is the corrupted part of us. My demons, on the contrary, are so beautiful. They never grow old, they do not need food, or glory, or being the best, or killing each other, they just serve Order without constraints and love unconditionally.

Tonight I will work until late. I need to scribble on the next chapter of my thesis. Now I feel tired, I just need to focus on something else for a while – ideas have to grow slowly, to rest in the mind for a while. I am a slow person, I never achieved something in a rush and more important, I never achieved anything without Enthusiasm – in the end, in all the things I did in my life I was led by the fire of Enthusiasm, and I can claim that whatever I do, I do it because I am convinced it is the right thing to do. Even when I apparently damage myself.

Enthusiasm. What a beautiful feeling.