Look out of the window everyone

I can’t believe the fuss my country makes about a bit of snow. We’ve had the mildest winter in living memory and a few areas have had a couple of cm of snow. Look out of the window everyone, it’s gone! Heathrow airport actually cancelled 50% of services yesterday after about 8cm of snow fell. And unbelievably they are now congratulating themselves for doing so much better than last year. They really couldn’t have done any worse than last year. They closed the entire airport for about a week! Anyone visiting this country would think we were under a couple of foot of snow with temperatures of -20C or something. Today’s headline in the Telegraph is, “Britain faces month of weather chaos as snow wrecks travel plans”. Really? Even First Great Western, the worst train operator in the known universe, managed to get me to work on time this morning.

I’m fed up with the Royal Mail. They have lost a parcel for us. I went to pick it up after they left one of those, “sorry you were out when I called” cards, but the yard-ape at the depot couldn’t find it. So he grunted a few times and stared at the card, presumably in the hope that it would spontaneously reveal the whereabouts of said item. It did not, and he therefore said he would organise a search and call me. I left my details but heard nothing. I returned a second time and spoke to a female yard-ape. She was no help either. She found my original details, but since no one had written anything on the paperwork, she had no idea where my parcel was. So she said she’d organise a search and have someone call me. No one did of course, so I went back a third time. Who knows I thought, maybe I’ll learn to speak yard-ape and converse with them on their own level. They couldn’t tell me anything that time either, but they did promise me the manager would call the next day, and he did. On the phone he said he would organise a search and call me back. I haven’t heard anything since, that was last week. I’ve made a formal complaint now, to the head yard-ape.

We spent about £3,000 on air tickets this weekend. Then we found out the boy’s passport has expired, so guess where I went at lunchtime, yes the post office, but they couldn’t help because only main branches have passport renewal forms. On the way back I had the brilliant idea of going to the passport website to see if it was possible to renew online, and it is, or it would be if the bloody website worked. I’ll have to get the dragon to pick up the form today.

Enough with the grumpy old man routine, here’s a news story I liked from Taiwan. Apparently a 74-year-old man has died after swallowing his dentures during sex with a 62-year-old prostitute. That just has to be true because no one would expect anyone to believe it if they made it up. I can’t decide which is more unlikely, a 62-year-old hooker, or someone swallowing their dentures. You wouldn’t think she’d get much business would you?

Oh, and Chris Huhne has been charged with perverting the course of justice after apparently asking his wife take the blame for a speeding offence. The arrogant shit was convinced he wasn’t going to be charged. The media repeatedly report that he “denies any wrongdoing”. It’s an odd phrase isn’t it. It doesn’t mean he’s denying doing it, only that he doesn’t believe anything he did was wrong. If I had been charged with something I think I would deny the charge if I hadn’t done it.