It’s all there in black and white

What’s happened to vampires? Everyone seems to be talking about this Breaking Dawn film, but the Vampires are all sexy teenagers gallivanting around in the daylight. It’s not right. Vampires are supposed to be tall, elegant men in cloaks. They have fangs and live in Transylvania. They never come out during the day and they sleep in coffins. They live in castles, have dodgy eastern European accents and they change into bats when the mood takes them. It’s all there in black and white. Go and read Bram Stoker. I blame that Buffet Vampire Slayer woman. What’s happening to the world? You knew where you were with Christopher Lee and Bela Lugosi.

See, See! That’s what a bloody vampire looks like! I may be writing to my MP about this.

And another thing that’s getting up my nose today; apparently there are moves afoot to install floodlights at Stonehenge. Floodlights?! Can you believe it? Why don’t they just invite Banksy to go round there and tart the stones up with a few amusing murals? It makes me so mad. Thousands of years those stones have stood there, almost totally unchanged, and in the last 35 years the site has suffered more molestation and abuse then all the previous centuries put together. It’s heartbreaking! If I ever have the misfortune to meet Lady Mimi Pakenham, I’m going to kick her right where the sun doesn’t shine.

Half the country is on strike today as public sector workers bitch about their pensions. We’re all in it together. You’re not special. As my colleague Kira put it this morning, “You try telling our boss you’re not coming today because you want more money and see how far you get. He’d take your pass and close the door behind you as you left”. If Tony Blair hadn’t doubled the size of the public sector to make it look like employment was in better shape than it actually was, we wouldn’t be in this mess. On the plus side, the boy’s school remains open today, so good for them.

I couldn’t find a story about nudity in the news today that really appealed to me, so you will have to make do with this piece about M abd S lingerie. Apparently Marks and Spencer have been forced to remove an advert from the sides of British buses because they are too raunchy. My only thought here is that it’s not really easy to advertise knickers without using semi naked people. Apparently 15 people complained. That’s really not very many is it. The main problem seems to be the suggestive pose of the model.